Hahaha this picture action only It me standing outside the Great Hall of the People with my reporter pass

And yes, as the title suggests, I'm moving to Beijing for the next few years to work as a correspondent there.

I am absolutely stoked to snag the gig because it's been a dream to work in China long-term. For a while, I never thought it was possible, but now I'm one step closer. 

There are so many things to prepare like opening a Chinese bank account, changing my mobile plan, finding a house!!!! I'm going to Beijing next week to get the last one sorted.

It can be quite daunting - the most challenging being the language. As a Chinese, I'm ashamed about not being proficient in Mandarin and can never understand why some Singaporeans are proud of that. The fact that I'm not a master of my own mother tongue has been a thorn in my side since I was in secondary school, but by then, it was too late. My foundations were already shaky. So what's the best thing to do now?

Thrust myself into the deep end and to completely immerse myself in Chinese society and culture. I bet it's going to be frustrating and downright demoralising at the start, but I know if I keep going, I will get somewhere.

I've also been itching for a new adventure... After 8 years of working, I've longed to go abroad long-term just like what I did in New Zealand for student exchange and Myanmar for internship. It'll be the longest stint this time in Beijing. NZ and Burma sojourns were only half-a-year.

I'm not as worried about being lonely compared to the last time as there's a strong Singapore community there, and I'm also going to be super super super BUSY. I'll be so occupied that I won't even have time to be lonely hahaha.

I do worry about being able to report well and widely in China. During my three weeks there in March covering the 'Two sessions' - China's most important political event - I felt like a newbie again. It's learning the ropes all over again as the reporting landscape there is vastly different from Singapore's. The issues we grapple with pale in comparison to those in China - a big player in the world, unlike us, the little red dot. Just that short-stint in Beijing expanded my world view many times over. 

I wish more Singaporeans get that opportunity to work overseas to get a more macro understanding of some of the things happening in the world. Our views can be very narrow-minded after staying put in the country for a while.

I will miss all those I leave behind with my move to Beijing. My parents especially, who are getting old and I know I will be so guilty if one of them falls sick while I'm there. But they've given their blessings and even encouraged me to go. They know how rare this opportunity is and how important it is to me. It's something they themselves, especially my dad, would love to do. In a way, they also fulfil their own dreams by seeing me work overseas. 

I will also miss plenty milestones, like birthday celebrations especially with my little niece who's fresh out of the oven this year. I won't get to spend as much time with her as I did with her older sister. I guess, some sacrifices are necessary and anyway she's still little and won't remember me. She might however, view me as a stranger when I see her again.

With that said, I'm still going to be in and out of the country as I'll be back for some friends' weddings this year. Also, with the general election looming, all of us overseas correspondents will fly back to pay national service hahaha. 

I will officially leave Singapore in May. I'm sure I'll keep blogging while I'm there cuz there are so many new experiences and adventures + stories to tell!!!!

Till then, I leave you with some pictures of my epic roadtrip to Malaysia with my parents who wanted to spend some time with me before I go~

Ipoh!

Dad driving into Penang

KL's most famous nasi lemak at Village Park

Some really tasty drinks at Ipoh

My favourite picture up on Penang hill : )

One of the most beautiful beaches I've ever been to.

No wait, it's probably the most beautiful one I've been to in recent memory. The first day my husband and I got to Hualien on 16 January, the skies were a lil gloomy and usually I'm not that into grey and cloudy skies when I travel. But somehow, they added a dreamy, mysterious charm to this beach in eastern Taiwan. I thought the clouds amid the mountains really added to the effect.

Well, if you're here, you're probably not here to listen to me rave about how beautiful this beach is... it is indeed a gorgeous beach but I'll save that for when I meet you guys in person. 

Instead, I'm here to talk about something I experienced there which haunts me every other day even after my return to Singapore. Not that I've been personally attacked or harmed... it's more of an... otherworldly experience.

You see, I stayed at a hotel by the beach for two nights. It was magical. Stars peppered across the sky as we slept right next to the ocean. We even visited the wondrous Taroko Gorge that had intricate marble canyons and the brightest bluish lakes I'd ever seen.

It was our second day when we decided to take a stroll along the beach after dinner before we called it a night. We walked along this path:

The path we walked every day to get to our hotel. This was taken in broad daylight.

(TNP article) I looked at the date - June, 2023. So recent, no wonder I could briefly recall some things

(AsiaOne article)

(Photo embedded in AsiaOne article) This was the last known footage of Ms Moo walking along the beach. We walked along that same path, at the same time that she did, between 6 to 8pm. At that hour, it's pitch dark, save for the street lamps that lined the path

There were indeed a lot of wild dogs roaming around like this one

The waters.

I know this picture doesn't look it - but the tides were HUGE and the waves extremely choppy. The waves literally came crashing down and even if you can't see them, you'll definitely hear them.

We went to her hotel to look at the distance between the path, to the beach - 

The ocean next to her hotel - Bayview Hotel

Now that's a huge distance. And you'll have to walk quite a bit to get to the waters. It's impossible to fall off the track and end up being in the waters. It's a good 70 to 100m from the hotel.

I stood there for quite a while and I just could not come to terms with the fact that she simply fell into it. So then, did someone push her?

Theory 3: Someone did something to her

It's hard to believe this because firstly, it's a really quiet, quaint town. It felt safe too. But then again, having stayed there for only two nights, we might not have a full picture of Qixingtan.

She was also alone. While I was accompanied. So I might not have felt like I was in danger at any point in time. In fact, I felt really safe. The locals were friendly and it seemed like everyone knew everyone else.

More importantly, as the article states, there were no external injuries found on Ms Moo's body. So it didn't seem like she was in a life-threatening situation with a stranger.

And if anything, these guys should've spotted something! We found a coast guard post right next to the beach with actual people working there Or maybe they just weren't paying enough attention that very night

Ms Moo's parents were simply told by the authorities that she had drowned.

If so, these coast guards should've seen something? What were they doing??

As I took that picture, I just let out an exasperated sigh, wondering what these guys were hired for.

And finally,

Theory 4: She was suicidal

As Ms Moo's parents mentioned, she had her whole life ahead of her. She was graduating from law school, taking bar exams soon, starting work at a law firm after... she also met with relatives during her solo trip in Taiwan. Felt like nothing was amiss.

Yet, she had phoned her friend at 8pm, but that call wasn't picked up. Now that phone call... feels like the missing puzzle to everything. If only her friend had picked it up. Was it a cry for help? Nobody will ever know.....

Unfortunately, I have no answers to her death. Though I do have my own suspicions about what might've happened. 

Writing this post feels a bit pointless. And I'm sorry if you were looking for a conclusion. Yet, there's nothing to this ending, which is probably what vexes me a whole lot. 

It's been about a week since my vacation in Taiwan, yet her story stays with me. And somehow... I know this sounds strange and a bit illogical, but I also feel a sense of responsibility to tell this story. That it was no coincidence that I had felt her presence as I walked along that path that very night. I don't know what this post is meant to do, perhaps maybe settle my own restless mind? 

milky colours right before the sun peeked

As her parents said, it's painful just thinking about her last agonising moments.

But if this offers any kind of comfort... she died in just the most beautiful, serene place.

Even after telling her story, it doesn't frighten me so much that I don't want to go back. In fact, I will return to Qixingtan...

where the sun rises so magnificently

and where the ocean stretches endlessly.

May that lighthouse guide her, wherever her soul may be.

Rest in peace, Amelia Moo.

all my life, i've never actually subscribed to a religion. my parents are equally religion-free so my brother and i were brought up the same way. but we were free to explore different beliefs, and my brother became a christian somewhere along the way. as for myself, i always believed in the existence of a higher being, that god exists somewhere in this universe... and so i'd explore religiously (no pun intended) the different beliefs. christianity, catholicism, buddhism, even islam. 

but very recently.. maybe a few months ago? something changed. it's like a switch went off inside me.

there were a couple nights, maybe more, i simply could not fall asleep cuz i thought so much about death and the afterlife that i couldn't stop crying. it was the sort of cry that's uncontrollable. it dawned on me that... the reality is there's no afterlife. this is it. we're living this life and then we die, that's it. we're gone, for good. there's no heaven, or hell, no god or devil. it's just us breathing, living, and then dying. inexplicably. we're reduced to dust at the end of the day. whoever said humans have souls.. all of that is bollocks to me. what makes humans any different from animals and the plants and trees? nothing, we're just simply living organisms. 

religions to me, are man-made narratives, created to help soothe mankind's anxieties of the afterlife. to soothe our fragile egos and fears, as we're all too afraid to face the truth of our mortality.

if i could find a reason for me feeling this way, i think it's a video i watched that showed earth in a microscopic way, and i saw how god damn small we are in this huge universe.. i experienced an existential crisis and felt my skin crawl. 

from then on, slowly, i began to believe that there's no god. and this is what i've slowly become, an atheist.

i used to think atheists are simply pessimists in life. but now, i completely understand. we're just confronting... reality? 

to me, this life that we live is just made up of a series of choices, decisions and actions we make in life. i see no higher power influencing the fate of our lives... and at the end of the day, whether you make good or bad decisions, it ultimately has zero consequences when you die. we don't stand on higher moral ground than murderers and rapists... at the end, we're just all the same. 

with that said however, becoming an atheist has also given me a different kind of perspective. ironically, an optimistic one. and that's to appreciate whatever i was born with in this life. because i really only have one life and that's it. this body, this face, my mind, my personality, the family i have and friends i've come to make. i only have one chance to make it good, and i want to live it the best way possible. and i'm doing this simply because i want to make it count, to make this life count. i'm not doing this because i want to be judged by god in the afterlife, but because i know that everything ends.. so i might as well make it a life well-lived... 

here i am, typing this, and tearing again. sigh. 

sunrise from my hotel in taipei

every sunrise, sunset, or beautiful scene i witness before me, i now have a deeper appreciation and come to mindfully, purposefully soak it all in, as if it were my last.

it also makes me x100000 more wistful and sad about deaths. because i truly believe i'll never see the people i love again.... and it really pains me so.. it's something i will continue to struggle and come to terms with for the rest of my life.

yet, becoming an atheist also makes me braver as i'm willing to submit to my fears and confront them head-on, instead of leaving it to fate or destiny or the unknown. 

this was something i've been meaning to type for a long time, and i'm glad to finally pen my thoughts. sorry if it's really doomsday-like. can't help it haha. who knows, years down the road, my perspective might change again, we'll see. 

It's been nearly a month since the above happened on 1 September.

Some days, I still can't believe I pulled that off at Taman Jurong, and not to brag - but till today, I've been getting compliments for this performance that night. My live cross was a mix of preparation, luck and impeccable timing. It was a huge, huge, huge privilege to have had the opportunity to be in the thick of action, history-in-the-making. Since the start, Mr Tharman was a shoo-in for the Presidential election, yet when we all heard the sample results, we were gobsmacked - 70%. And it was the atmosphere in Taman Jurong Food centre that I will never ever forget. I can't even remember the last time Singaporeans were so happy and united about something together. The chants of ong lai, huat ah - and the most memorable of all - shouts of Majulah Singapura. I mean just thinking about it right now gives me the chills and sometimes brings tears to my eyes. It's an experience I'll keep talking about for the rest of my life.

This is what we live for as TV journalists. These are the absolute greatest moments that we live for. The medium is dying, but on special occasions like this, I remember why I do what I do. And I feel like I can take anything the bosses throw at me just to have this one moment to live for. 

It's also a great final assignment before I move on to the next stage of my career...

I'm moving to International Desk!!! 

I was offered an overseas position quite early on.. maybe around March? But I couldn't leave Singapore just yet because I had to complete one last major local assignment, which was the Presidential Election. Initially, I felt this meant I was going to have a later start date to my new posting, and was a little vexed. At the same time, I was willing to stay here longer so I could be part of a once-in-a-lifetime event, which may not always happen every six years, and may not always be contested. So I waited, and I'm glad I waited because... if I hadn't trailed Tharman and delivered that performance, I'd have felt that I hadn't done enough for the desk before leaving. I felt that it was almost as if I didn't deserve to move on, like I had unfinished business. Now... I truly believe I've done my best and left at the best possible time.

I finished my final story for Singapore desk last Friday, and man, it was bittersweet. I spent more than five years chasing local news... speaking to our ministers, chasing comms officers, harassing newsmakers, voxing Singaporeans, stressing over news ledes, and dealing with very dry, slow news days too haha. There were also moments I hated and days when I've felt so down. But the pain never lasted too long, and the feeling I get now is mostly wistful, and I'm very grateful for the many opportunities to grow both as a reporter and as a person. And I must say I matured and found my footing while on the desk - it has given me much that I'm thankful for.

taking one last shot near midnight at my favourite seat

My next big assignment is to cover the Taiwan Presidential Election in January. I'll be heading to Taipei numerous times over the next few months in the lead-up to the election. I'm excited, yet of course nervous as I'll need to actively use my poor grasp of zhong wen, and fan ti zi. It's also a completely different ball game altogether...  But if I survived Malaysia's GE, I guess I will survive Taiwan. 

Following the election, they'll decide where I'll be posted to, for at least two years. Could be Taiwan, could be somewhere else, I don't know at this point. 

Everyone has asked what would happen to my husband haha. He won't be following me, but he'll fly to wherever I am, whenever he's free. It'll likely test our relationship, even stretch it to the max, but I doubt this will break us. There are worse things couples have to go through, than being away from each other for long periods of time. I know what we're doing is unconventional for married couples, and it's difficult for people to understand, but when you love what you do, and the people around you are willing to support your dreams, that's all that really matters. There is not only one way to do things, and we musn't restrict ourselves or our aspirations simply because no one else around us has done it before. And at the end of the day, if we're able to get out of this together in tact, I believe we will truly go the distance as a team.

With that said, I know this next phase is going to be tough on me as an individual. The political environment is so much more different overseas, especially amid the international climate we live in now. So reporting on the ground in a foreign land will not be easy... It will also not be easy living there alone. I'm definitely going to be lonely. But I do believe I'll grow so much more as an individual. Stretched in ways, I hope will be useful in future.

My thoughts are slurring a bit now as it's 3am and I'm getting sleepy. Hopefully I've been coherent throughout this post. Am excited for the coming week as I'm on annual leave before I shift departments in October! Gonna take in all the sights and sounds in Singapore, and also have a good break after a crazy past few months (aka ridout, corruption, extramarital affairs, election campaigning)

I'm gonna have a gooooood rest for now. Catch ya soon.