It's the last day of 2012. Time seems to fly. Every year. And it saddens me that it is!

Anyway, I will be posting my Laos expedition blog post in the new year which is tomorrow coz I really wanna type a comprehensive blog post for my trip to log down all my thoughts and memories digitally if that helps haha. Happy New Year's Eve to all!

2012 has been a ride.

Return from the Land of Beer


\Laos

Yes, it was a great trip, thank you. What with all that insecurities and overthinking of everything... It turned out fine. And I learnt so much from this trip. From the Laotians and from my own school mates. It was a very fulfilling trip. I can't say for sure that I'll remember it forever because memories tend to dissipate as time goes on... One thing tho and that is I know this trip left an indelible mark and will change my perspective and outlook of life. I hope not short-term but long.

To be Happy forever.....


As promised,

A video of the house I stayed in, at Laos! TEEHEE!!!!




A more lengthy post to come soon with pictures and more vids : )

HAHAHA.

Be prepared.


p/p/s OMG IS THAT A SPOT OF BLOOD?!?!?! Nonono... no period during my trip pls. imma die.

Done with NZ documents sorting as well as most of the packing for Laos trip.
Am all set to go!

Keep an open mind. Open mind. Yes, that's the best advice our president gave us.


btw, I'm currently hooked to Lana's "Summertime Sadness".
Go watch the mv if you've the time. I'm quite intrigued by what it's tryna portray. Friends? Lesbians? Sisters? What? Is that why people are so attracted to Art? There's not one interpretation but many?
I really like the mv, even tho people say it's full of instagram in it.

Maybe one more post before I fly? : )

I feel immensely stressed and sad right now.

After having a disagreement with someone about the objectives of an OCIP and feeling like I haven't done enough to prepare for the Laos trip, I'm feeling quite shit about myself right now. Sigh. With a busy sem, I neglected preparation for the trip and am now feeling terribly guilty for doing sucha shitty job.

And now I'm really tired, but I still have to edit my BJ project. Then wake up early to go to sch tmr for a Laos language crash course. This is insane. Holidays after exams are perhaps after all, not as liberating as I thought they'd be/

One of my favourite singers,




I used to think she only sang pop since so many people knew about her and her songs were hits. Decided to listen to one of her songs, "Born to Die".

The moment she opened her mouth, I was sold.

Her face and voice did not match. I didn't think a face like hers would match such a soulful voice, my goodness.

Her voice is just pure vintage charm. There's something about her voice. It's like everything else is silent and the only thing you hear is the cinematic echo of her voice. It reverberates in your head. Stunning.

A very fresh input to the music industry where pop and rap reins.

People think she can't sing live, but I think live should be different and raw from the record? Otherwise, what's the point of listening live.

Ahhh, now that I've time for myself, I can finally watch vlogs on Youtube.

I am definitely not one of those girls who fall head over heels over boy bands and shit like that,

but I have to say,




This pair of British twins are absolute... fab.

You have gotta watch them, I bet you wouldn't regret it. In fact, they're so eye-appealing to watch that you'll subscribe to them. (as i have hahahah) I can't decide which twin I prefer. And somehow, it's just the fact that they're BRITISH that lets them exude all the more charm. I dunno what it is about the English who present wayyy more charisma than the Americans. It's just something diff bout scones and burgers.

Not just them of course, I really enjoy watching vlogs made by other youtubers they're so funny!!! You're missing out on the internet if you don't watch emmm. That being said, I think it's a girl thing to watch vlogs. Most guys don't.

Anyway, yes pls go watch the video it's so funny. Dan is funny. The dude in the middle. I'm subscribed as well. He's just so funny. Can you imagine that? It's very hard for me to laugh out loud. And I'm impressed. Their vlogs are hilar.

HEY GUAISSSSSSSS I'm back!!!!!

After the tormenting semester and papers, I am so happy to finally be free!!!!!!!!!!! FREE FOR 8 MONTHS AHEAD> I'm free from school but not exactly free either coz I've to redo a project and it's quite sad coz it feels like I'm free yet not free. I've to head back to school at 9.30am tmr. : ( But whatever it is, it's still good to be gone from all that's been bogging me down this sem. It's crazy. SO craay.

I have so much things to do now and prepare for. The Laos trip that's on the 12th! That date's approaching hella soon. 5 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!! I'm terribly sorry but I'll be off again and this blog will be stale for another 2 weeks. I knowwww.. I really have so much things to say, yet struggling to find time. Anyway, 2 weeks is crazy for OCIP. Crazy long!!! To be honest, I'm only ok-excited about Laos. Not like totally game and on to go. But I guess once the date arrives when I get to fly, maybe that's when I get excited.

And there's admin stuff to do for my NZ visa and health/travel insurance. Shit, come to think of it... I really don't have time crap. I need to get down to doing all these before I leave for Laos. Shit shit shit.

Nevertheless, at least I've found accomodation over at NZ and am staying on campus in Bryant Hall. They've accepted my application and I really am very excited about exchange. Yes, I'm gonna go there alone. A dude from NTU's supposed to be my exchange partner but I'm gonna just forsake him and do this whole exchange thing alone. I swear, I think this will be one experience of a lifetime. So freakin cliche. But my god, I really do think I'm gonna be in for something extremely exciting.

Anxious at the same time of course. Coz this is the first time I'm gonna be alone going overseas. And there are so many things to worry about. First of all, I need to learn how to survive. Cook, bathe, shit whatever. All on my own. I'm by myself now. Yeah, I'm uprooting everything here in Singapore and heading down to the strange and foreign land of the Kiwis. Secondly, socially, I'm gonna have to put myself out there and be brave in making new friends. I've considered the various possibilities.

One: I will be alone. For 6 months. Coz Angmohs stereotype me to be a typical Asian and ostracise me. Which could be possible. And all I can do is feel sad for myself as I stay in my hall the whole of my 6 months there.

Two: I will be mixing with only Asians. Well, at least I'll have company. But I'm there to force myself to mingle with everyone. I can't be culturally ethnocentric. I learnt that in comms hahaha/ But srsly, NO ASIAN. NEED TO BE OPEN MINDED AND SEE THE WORLD.

Three: I befriend International Students and Kiwis and have the time of my life in New Zealand. That's prolly the best possible option. A diverse range of people from all over the world. I really do hope Option Three will happen for me. Then, I think the objective of an exchange will be fulfilled.

Cuz that's what an Exchange is about. You peel your damn eyes so bloody wide open and become one of them. Sorta.

And I seriously am there to see all that, that I can never see in Singapore. New Zealand, world renowned for its scenery. And I'll be there to take it all in. The sights, the sounds.... I'm there to finally,



Let Go.

\\

Yeah, I sound like I'm having diarrhoea, but god, school physically and mentally freakin drained my brain.

I must tell you, this was the first time I ever had a mental breakdown while studying for my exams. Nothing was going in. I couldn't take the stress from studying anymore and I cried. Cried so damn hard into my pillows to drown out the sounds of my sobs. It really was that bad. And it wasn't the stress that triggered my tears. It was the fact that people cared for me when I was feeling like shit. I blah-ed to 3 friends about not being able to cope with all the crazy stress. And the moment they responded to me (in quick time), I was so touched that I broke down.

But it felt good releasing all that pent up frustration I'd been feeling the past few months.

It really was the first time I'd ever felt like, "You know what. I'm so tired of studying. I really want to end this." I've never felt this way before. And trust me, I'm supposed be the last person on Earth to ever feel this way. Coz I've always felt that having an education is a privilege and succumbing to stress is almost like complaining. And to me, it's a small thing compared to the problems swamped all over the rest of the world. So I've always thought I've no reason to complain. Coz it's not a given. So don't whine.

And it's kept me going. Still does. But sometimes, too much is... too much. I was really just so stressed. I couldn't understand why we have to compete for grades so badly. I just couldn't see the point anymore. Especially my school, wkw. Mediocrity is just not acceptable there. And actually, thinking about it now, it really is quite a pointless race. Yet, at the same time, knowing that I must somehow get to the end point, no matter what. And do well. Sigh. Exhausting.

But here I am, finally free. Not yet but soon. And I really just want to leave everything behind here in Singapore. Forget about everything and have an open mind in another country where no one and nothing is hounding you for anything. And come back, to start anew.

Can you imagine? What it's gonna be like? That's why I'm psyched! What an opportunity and I'm gonna make sure everything's gonna be fruitfully spent.

And I will def let you in on the fun as well. Probably gonna blog full time when I'm there hahahah. Coz I'm gonna be lonely as hell :'( Please let me make new and fun friends! HAHAHA. Loneliness should never happen to anyone. It's one of the saddest things in life. To not have anyone to love, cry and laugh with. It truly is sad. tahhaha.

Ok, that's all from me! I believe you've heard me speak in your head already, listening to my voice seduce your every vein. I do miss you! Yes you! I promise I'll be back with more posts.

It's so good to be back. : )

One very recent picture taken yesterday of me and my friends as we ate dimsum and talked about all our different exchange destinations. I'm excited for all of us.




Canada, NZ, America, Sweden here we come~

I know I'm on hiatus, but I must announce this.

I just got my formal Offer of Place at the University of Waikato!!!! :'D All that worrying... I'm damn excited amidst exam preparations. NZ, I'm coming for you!!!!!

YEEEHEE!!!




Video composition shot for CS0900 mod.




And well yeap, those are my friends in the Radio Fusion room with me in Ntu. Andre and I were "guest speakers" today. Well not really. I was actually there for a project discussion on something else and suddenly we were handed those head sets and forced to speak. Too sudden too sudden. But not many people tune in, so we were just doing our own thang in the room. At 10-11pm in the freakin sch. Bloody late. Reached home latest ever. From god-knows-where to Pasir ris. My eyes are dying. Yeah, this just happened earlier on a few hours ago hahah.


Speaking of projects.

I must say, I am.... extremely.. tired. I'm exhausted and worn out. My brain is seeped of ideas and I really can't think anymore. THIS WHOLEEEE WEEK, and I'm not exaggerating, I haven't got a chance to study coz I've been coming home at 12am every single blardy day. F. All those project discussions. I'm drained. 7 videos this sem and 3 I have to complete within this one week, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, really. And I really want to get this done and over with.

Lord, I am so tired. So very. Worst thing is to have to come to a stall in project discussions coz we haven't got a concrete idea for our 225 mod video assignment and I'm getting extremez worried. I'm not even kidding.

I've been thinking Hall right now would be god-sent. Coz taking the train all the way back home is terrible. Sitting on the train till past midnight is no longer fun. Oh wait, it never was. D':


So as of now, I have to say I'm gonna leave you with these pictures and considerably long post for a month because I don't have time to update this blog and do my own studies and projects at the same time. I will be back definitely. But only in December when this semester is OVER!

You'll hear my voice speak in your head once again soon.

See you in a month's time!

Hello November, thank god for you, because October was quite shitty! Haha.
Anyway, times have been bad and stressful. The upcoming week and the week after are gonna be hell! There are so much things to hand up. So many assignments to complete within the span of 2 weeks I have to declare a very stressed up me. Oh, I am scared, very scared.

But since this is the month of November, I choose to believe it's time to start afresh and move on from Olo lo lo lo October.

May God be my guiding light. Please. I know I don't devote my mind and body to any particular religion, but please help me out on this one. You have so much more atrocities to render help to, like Sandy that bitch in the US who is wrecking everything up. Your job is indeed a very hectic one.

Ahh, let me just list down the things I have to do, so that I've a clearer picture of where to begin,

CS2029- 1) Start on script for the show
               2) Come up with interview questions
               3) Filming

CS2025- 1) Test on Monday
               2) Filming

CS0900- 1) Finalise script
               2) Edit Video

These are just some of the things I have to do immediately and soon. And there are some of the smaller things that are not as important but are bogging me down as well. 1) Help another project group in class to ask my neighbours' if they're willing to act in their film. 2) Start studying for Finals.

It's these seemingly minute issues that make the current work load seem even more heavy, just thinking about more things I have to do. I get stressed just thinking about them like how to approach my neighbours one more time :S

There's so little time left D;

Come on, suck it up woman, let's do this shit. It ain't the first time.

Oh ya, and I visited the Bloomberg newsroom recently 2 days ago, just haven't told ja. Pretty awesome. When I do find time, I will tell you about it.

Before I go, my face in the city. Been going there for group discussions and filming recently. I really do love the city skyline a lot! Probably the only thing that has been made me feel at ease. Although temporal. Haha.

In the meantime, my face.

I can sense that my body's tired. Like my eyes are soon gonna shut tight forever. But my mind is still working like a clock. Only slept for an hour last night. Coz I spent my night awake doing....

A video compilation on how I surprised Yuanyun just for her to see how it all happened HAHA! Crazy. I was too excited to edit the whole thing I guess so I stayed up from 4-7am doing it. Lighting is shitty but I guess I can't expect too much from a camera which does not have optimum video functions. Nevertheless, I enjoyed doing it.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAN YUAN YUN!!!!
One of my bestest friends. I wish you all the love in the world!

And yeah, don't have much pictures, coz the lighting was hella bad over there. You'd need proPRO cameras to give the best quality pictures.

Anyway, after only sleeping for an hour last night, I had to wake up at 8.30am for a car wash around a Kembangan estate to raise funds for my school's OCIP trip to Laos. I swear, the people there are rich. Not Laotians. I meant, Kembanganians. Hahaha. Big, beautiful houses and ahem, extremely generous people in terms of the amount they were willing to part with. 100 dollars per car that we washed. And we only washed 4 cars, amounting to almost 400 dollars. And that was just MY side of the OCIP group. It was crazy! They were willing to pay that kind of amount just for a damn car wash! It really just emphasises the disparities and the polarities of the rich and the poor. For once, I felt like a Bangla in my own country. I swear they were filthy rich with 2 cars or more, each. But I must also say, those who were willing to let us wash their cars were each nice in their own ways. Some served us 100plus with cakes and others talked to us nicely by inviting us to sit just outside their homes for a chitchat. Wow.

I'm not even exaggerating. Of course I've seen bigger homes like bungalows and stuff but these are really quite exclusive landed properties that are quite above a notch from the rest. They look exclusive, and modern... oozing of style and elegance. Before doing this carwash thing, I was skeptical about them even willing to let us wash their cars since I assume they wouldn't want our filthy and unskilled hands touching their cars. Thus, I really was sincerely impressed when I got there.

Got me thinking a lot, I'd say. This car wash at Kembangan.

After car wash, trained down to Raffles Place for filming. It's sick. After being so tired from the car wash earlier in the day under the bloody blazing hot freakin sun, I had to continue on with filming!

But filming for 900 went well today! We caught a lot of nice awesome shots at the area near Fullerton and I'm quite positive about the video turning out well. Hopefully, the final product will look good. Eggcited. Mega thanks to my bro and his friend who helped us. It was considerably fun I would say, today's filming! Am happy.


AND NOW,

THE GRAND FINALE.





sleep.

Yalrightttt, I think this is the latest I've gone home after editing a Broadcast Journ (BJ) video in school. 10pm and then dinner/supper. Reached home at 12. And I am zonkedddd. But here I am.


Anyway, this was the first BJ story we did quite some time ago. Like probably a month ago.

Am editing the second one now which shall soon be released once it's approved by my lecturer. So in the meantime, you can enjoy this first video of me talking and speaking to you like a real tv journalist hahaha. It's about a new food centre set up in NTU and it's called Xin Shi Jie. If you're Muslim, I wouldn't recommend it, coz it's def. not halal hahaha. But so far, my Chinese friends have told me the food's good. My CHINESEEE friends hahaha I speak as if I'm not Chinese. No manners. Some of the food are a little pricey but overall still alright. Haven't tried it myself though. It was a nice experience being in the shoes of a broadcast journalist for the first time. So yeah, please do enjoy and soak in the sights and sounds of my beautiful face and melodious voice yeehw.






IF YOU THOUGHT THOSE NEWS REPORTERS HAD IT EASY, Helllll no!


The final part when you look into the camera and say your lines is the hardest part coz you tend to forget what you've to say once those prying eyes of the camera lens are set on you. You become quite retarded. Ok that's a little extreme, but yeah, the point is, you tend to fumble once you say your lines on camera. Le'sigh. Won't show you those embarrassing outtakes. Anyway, I don't have time to make a video that shows me making a fool outta myself anywhos!

This was the very first video my project mates and I made, so it is quite unpolished. Nevertheless, I thought it a good first time haha.

Countless edits but I guess worth the final product. ;D

See you when I see you for the next video I'm gonna place up on the Chengdu Pambassador thing that's been going round. Esp Facebook. Can't wait!

Gonna hand in my GemX University Application package today. Damn, I swear to God I hope it goes through. All that dreaming about NZ. XXXX


p/s OMG IF YOU STARE AT THE BOKEH BELOW LONG ENOUGH, THE GLOWY ORANGE CIRCLES START TO MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Faint bokeh. To set the mood.


Anyway, my 20th birthday was spent ok. With good friends and family. I think that's enough for a birthday. Thank you for the lovely cards and cake, my friends. I ask for nothing but your presence and well wishes! And they have been fulfilled so thank you very much. I might have appeared slightly on the off-side but I do hope you guys know that I was very appreciative of everything, to a point that I felt undeserving. I was happy lah!

I haven't felt this for a while in all of my past birthdays but it's the first time I feel really grateful and thankful to have my parents and brother there with me on my birthday. Usually, it has been anticipation for celebrations with friends. And only friends. But this year, it has been a joy just having a meal with them and talking cock as usual. My family is not like other families, and I think we have just about enough, for me to feel happy to have a family like mine. I wouldn't need more caring or understanding parents. Or another brother. They're enough as they are. I wouldn't ask for more. It is a unique family and that's all I have to say. And I don't like sharing anything about them with others coz I think matters of the heart(family) should be kept within and not be told to the world. I don't talk about my family to people very much coz I think they shouldn't be. Just keep it to yourself, that's all where it needs to remain. I don't have to praise them just to prove to you anything. I know it.

Just Skyped with Suxin for 2 hours. (2-4am) Wished me all the way from Korea. And egged me on with words of motivation for me to study hard. Coz I realised I have been losing that momentum and I really needed someone to tell me to press on. One of the best people I've met in Uni. Somehow, you just know who your true friends are. Even some whom I don't talk to very much, there IS still a connection and the feeling that I know they'd stick their necks out for me. Whereas there are some, you can talk to about many things, but they're not as sincere as you think they are. YOU CAN JUST FEEL IT. These things don't have to be expressed overtly. You sense it.



Anyway, aside from all the friends family blahblahblah, I must say one thing.



And that is,

I NEED TO PUT MY BIRTHDATE ON FACEBOOK. I HAVE TO>

I NEEED the attention.

I CRAVE IT. I have to HAVE people to wish me. Yes, I need at least 200 wishes on my wall to feel satisfied. I NEED people to know it's my birthday. HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

I need it. I do. I can't pretend I don't want them not to know.

But I guess this is the point in time when you do know who bothers about your birthday. And I know now. People like Lionel and Xi Hsien bothered to wish me through text and I am thoroughly grateful through and through. They're gems that shine I swear.

Because to be honest, I didn't wish them on theirs this year. That's how f-ed up I am. And they still bothered.

Experiment. That's how you find out. Who. Cares.

Now I know. And now, I'm gonna put my birthdate back on Facebook. HAHAHAHA. I'm an attention-whore.

I will turn 20. In a few days' time. Yet, it's the first time in my life I don't feel excited. I feel... nonchalant. Have I grown too old? Maybe so!

But this year's gonna be different. This year, it's not gonna be about me. It will be for everyone else around me. I didn't even mark my birthday on the calendar but my mom's instead. Won't wait! I've asked all of my old buds to have dinner together on Thursday night coz I think... all of us haven't been talking much in the year 2012. So much changes in our lives the moment we stepped into Uni and time just hasn't stopped for us to catch up! So perhaps, I'll make my birthday the day for all of us to do that before the feeling of distance grows so wide it becomes a chasm and my virginity is gone. Talk rot.

Guess I'll ride on the positivity this birthday week to make amends. To a lot of things.

Harpy Burthday to mee.

This was on the ST today.

The search for the Next Chengdu Pambassador,





It's all over freakin Facebook with people liking the page a hundred times over. But it was a really fun story to cover. Eye-OPENER.




Fellow project mate Nikki, who pitched the idea. So glad she did!



TEEHEE!



Shy panda.
It was funny seeing the children attacking the panda and slapping its ass and all LOL LOL.
But we'd already seen who's underneath the costume and fake fur, so like the magic is gone.

And....

Here comes,

INTERNATIONAL CELEB, Juliet Simms from Season 2 of The Voice!






She was there to officiate the event haha.

It's damn cool to watch the media doing their thing and photographers shouting stuff like, "Yeah, give us more of that!" when she flashed the candid pose above. It's what I see on tv. So I thought it was so exciting to see them do this in front of me tahahaha.


Getting interviewed.
I honestly thought I'd get a chance to have a one-on-one interview with her hahahahahaha. And I think we were damn lucky coz we chose to come on down on the right day coz Sunday was supposed to be the day she and the contestants would come (according to their website). But wow, lucky us, they HAPPENED to change their schedule of events to Saturday and we got to film all of this down! So awezum!!!!



Her entering the maze. Objective: To find her way out in the fastest time possible.



And then, her running out.



Victorious.




GET A LOAD OF THE MEDIA.

They're like LEGIT Media companies. So freakin cool. I was really damn excited and shitz. There was a Taiwanese Media company as well, don't know the name tho.

So the whole thing was really quite fascinating, I totally only expected to film normal members of public, and here she is with the contestants. Lucky us////

This job is really quite exhilarating. Imagine seeing all these people and the crowd.


But above all, I made a friend. Hahah.


For someone whom I hadn't met ever, she was really one of the nicest, most conversational stranger I've ever met. Possibly coz she's a comms student as well trahahha. Only she studied in a private institution and is 3 years older. Talked about school, exchange, internship, her experiences. Really quite interesting.

I always find it intriguing to meet people like her whom I've only met briefly but sustained a very nice conversation. Ok, I tried to put it down in words, but I can't seem to put a finger to how I'm gonna explain this... Anyway, I really enjoy talking to people anytime anywhere but sad knowing that our conversation would only last in that short brief moment in time. And it's these conversations that will add to your depth of knowledge and experiences through life. URGH I feel like an inarticulate baboon but I can't really seem to explain what I want to convey. BUT YEAH I HOPE YOU KINDA GET WHAT I MEAN. ; )


Later on that day, headed down to Republic Poly to watch WKWSCI's very own adaptation of Andrew Bovell's 'Speaking in Tongues'. Familiar Strangers, Paparazzi 2012.

I thought the cast fit their roles perfectly. Like knowing what the actors' personalities are like, I thought they did a good job at casting. I wouldn't say I'm great at judging what's good acting, but to me, it was pretty good. All those practice must've done'em well.

I teared at one part of the play coz I could really understand the pain the character was going through? You must be thinking, "Knn, this bitch trying to act artsey all. Stupid girl, go back to your coffeeshop". HAAHAHA. But really, two thumbs up to Tammie. I thought she did well. So hard to make me feel these emotions coz I always think theatrics can be a bit dramatic. There's a tendency to be overly-dramatic while acting. Sometimes... the most subtle of movements bring forth a character's personality best. Everyone has their little quirks, so it's really the subtle things that work.

Acting is tough. Having done it before in Jc, it's so important to let your guard down and be less self-conscious with your surroundings. Takes a great amount of focus and self-confidence to pull it off. Coz, you know everyone's watching you and you're acting as someone you're not, and you don't want people to be scrutinising the way you do or say things. You really need to get comfortable.



So ANYWAY, a few pictures from my camera.




HEHEHE HILARY YOU'RE ON MA BLOG Hahahahha. Crazy girl was excited just coz of that!
Dayum, look at her nicely shaped eyebrows, compared to my messy unplucked virgin eyebrows lololol. I sux.

Amazing how fast I transformed from roving reporter to civilian huh.


Bunch of weirdos.


...
Tho I have to admit I'm friends with them.



(a few of) my Sioux freshiezzzz.

So nice of them to have them come support their own Sioux people.


Yalrighttttt, that's it my friends. Hope you guys are enjoying life as well. And not having a hard time coz I guess life is really too short to not feel fine. Hahaha, oh shut up!