I am so sorry for neglecting this blog.

Ever since school started, I haven't found time for myself to sit down and think about things that have been happening. Everything has just gone whizzing by. So many things have happened to me and I'm so excited.

Let's just say I will appear on tv tonight at 8pm with a repeat telecast at 12am. Channel News Asia. I'm not even gonna watch myself coz it's just really awkward watching myself on screen.

I am also staying at my aunt's house now during weekdays to save on travelling time between school and home.

I have also been very involved with OCIP. Interviews are gonna be conducted for those interested and who signed up. It's very much exciting but a lot of work to do that I'm just afraid of how I'm gonna juggle school work.

I currently have a 3-day school week so yay me heheheheheh.

I can't believe I've not written in this blog for more than 2 weeks without even having gone on a holiday. I've never done this before.

But here I am and I must say once again, that ever since school started, I haven't had time for a lot of things. I will be back definitely to talk about things that have happened coz they are exciting news. Hopefully all becomes settled as time goes by and I find time during weekends to sit and type.

So catch ya if I can!

Here's to remembering Laos 2012 and looking forward to Laos 2013!!!!!!!!

Had our first discussion meeting today, and I have to say, I'm terribly excited for it. Of course there are the nerves, but definitely excited as well. This will be my priority above all, next sem. My pet project.

It is the first big project I'm ever undertaking and with all the I'mnotsure... it has transformed to a yeah, I'm gonna do this! There will be tough times, but I will bite the freakin bullet. So much so that it bursts into gun powder in my mouth while I grit my teeth. Oh yeah. One love for the mother's pride lol.

Please watch the video by the way. A very well edited video and also.. Can see a lot of my face MUAHAHAHHHA. My beautiful face. But mainly, coz it brings so much happiness just watching. Couldn't stop smiling.

In all my years of academia, I've always told myself never to be afraid of telling others which schools I was in and how others might react.

This blog alone consists of various posts that were written espousing hopes and dreams about one day eradicating this stigma about being in neighbourhood schools and being a neighbourhood school kid.

Even as I talk about being brought up with a neighbourhood school academic background, I still haven't forgotten about the segregation even within a neighbourhood school. For now, I'm not talking about discrimination or the social connotation that's attached to the word segregation but just the technical meaning behind it, which is to "set apart things or people".

I'm talking about students in Normal Academic and Normal Technical streams and ITEs.

This is one thing about Singapore.. It is all about the institutions you studied in or what class you were in. Somehow they are the measurements of your level of intellect. True enough, scoring more As in exams are probably an indication of speedy learning abilities and all-roundedness. But the fact that it is linked to a child's identity, even through adulthood, is deplorable and quite laughable.

The validation and inherent value of a child here in Singapore are defined by the schools that he go to. From the first major exam PSLE, all the way to A levels and what not.

I am talking about this because I am starting to remember the status quo and standards I've been living by since coming back. And I so happened to have met groups of people from 2 opposite poles of the spectrum in the same week last week with just 2 weeks back in Singapore.

On these 2 separate occasions, I had feelings that prompted me to think about this.
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First Case: A meeting with SJI boys at a friend's house for dinner.

I was invited to a friend's place a few nights ago, which was hosting guests who were old boys of SJI. If I have to spell it out for you, St. Joseph's Institution. Where many of Singapore's ministers were borne out of.

They're not exactly old boys, considering they're all of the same age as I am.

We were eating, and having a good time just talking and getting to know everyone. Somewhere along the line, I knew the "which schools were you from" would be coming.

The normal-me would proudly exclaim which schools I was from, but that night, I could feel the pressure. All these boys.. they had prestigious upbringings and I, had not. Of course I told them where I used to study in and that they'd probably not know where Coral Secondary School is.

I realised, this feeling of inferiority that came from within was so natural, that I felt ashamed of myself for feeling ashamed of where I was from. I was actually ASHAMED THAT I WAS ASHAMED. What was all that about "i don't care about where I studied blahblahblah" I used to think that, no matter what, I'm gonna be able to proudly proclaim that I studied in neighbourhood schools. But no, when it came down to real pressure, it wasn't the same. Feeling the pressure is so much more different than actually thinking that you can get away with it.

For a while, I quietened down, thinking about whether these boys were judging me according to my academic background. Did she just say TPJC? Really? And wha-? Coral? Where the hell is that?! Under the sea? Seriously? WHO is this girl?! I dunno if it was part of my insecurity or the way I handled the situation, but seriously there was a bit of silence that ensued after I mentioned which schools I was from.

Shortly after that though, I became my lively self again coz well, what are we gonna do about it? Live in the awkwardness of it all and throw confetti into the air? No! of course not.

Second Case: A group discussion with 5 ITE students who were part of my group

I was asked to join this Focus Group Discussion held by NYC about volunteerism last Friday. We were split into 2 groups and my group happened to have all of the ITE students invited to attend the session. Institute of Technical Education. I talked to one of the girls first and made small talk with her.

We started off by telling one another which schools we were from, I said NTU, she said West College ITE. Alright. Then she asked me which poly I went to. I said I went to a JC, TPJC. And then she continued by asking,

"So... you took O levels?"
"Yes, I did."
"Oh"

Did you notice the type of questions that were asked? She assumed I went to a poly and even asked if I took O levels. I took for granted what seemed like a normal track to me. O levels? Of course, everyone takes it. Then I remembered.. There's N Levels. And if you've good enough results, O levels after N.

WHAT a stark contrast from my conversation with the SJI kids. Here, I'd rather not say I was from a JC.

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It was these assumptions that to me, were the most vital clues, that revealed what different worlds these 2 sets of people were in. With the SJI boys, they asked "Which JC were you from?" It never once crossed their minds that I could've been from a poly. What made it awkward was that my friend, Su Xin, happened to be with me. And she had to correct them by saying "haha, I was from poly". These assumptions were so STARK and obvious to me that simple as it is, revealed a LOT about them and the state we were all in.

Everyone is part of this social hierarchy that is justified based on the schools you were from. It shows what kind of friends we mix around with mainly and who we socialise with. It's about whether you took 8 or 9 or even 10 subjects for O levels, whether you took an IB programme, whether you took O levels or A.

The hierarchy is so apparent here in Singapore that everyone cares and bothers about it. I respect and admire Singapore's educational standards and rankings and am proud to say that we are amongst the world's best. However, the education system has created a brand-name conscious Singapore. Cliche as it may sound, at the end of the day, does it really matter that much which schools we were from?

I guess it does when you consider the differences in the kinds of privileges given. I loved my time in Coral Sec but I don't remember having as much opportunities for student development and growth as much as other students in other schools. Considering the fact that elite schools are steeped in tradition and have a long history and rich heritage, they have a long line of old boys and girls who form an alumni that regularly contributes to the funding of these schools. Thus from what I speculate, aside from government funding alone, elite schools offer so much more programmes than neighbourhood ones because of the many benefactors and their generous donations. Thus, these schools have overseas programmes and other programmes that will value-add to a child's learning ability. That must be why so many parents wish their children be brought up in such enriching environments. But what about those who don't or can't?

For me, it was when I entered JC when I started meeting people from better and higher-up schools. Then coming to uni, I met even more people who were from elite schools and who have been from elite schools all their lives. True enough, there are some who care very much and regard themselves highly about the schools they were from. There are also others who can't give 2 fucks. Having met quite so many people from these more so-called elite schools, I have to say not everyone's necessarily smarter or better than anyone just coz.

This cycle, like the poverty cycle although not as grave, is a vicious one and I guess I will have to live with people asking "which school were you from" and being judged for it, till the day I die. And then God will be the ultimate judge lol. Jokes aside, seriously, it is quite a sad thing that we Singaporeans have to live with.

But I guess, in every society and country, there's bound to be some sort of social strata that everyone has to live by.

As much as I want to say that I don't care about which schools I come from or where others come from, like everyone else, I was born to abide by social norms.  I have to remind myself though that some care and some don't, but whatever it is, never judge someone based on their academic upbringing. Elite or non-elite.


And to all those parents who are anxiously registering their kids for primary one, really, there isn't a need to be so gan chiong. Just nearby will do. You're not gonna regret it. And from there on, let the kid decide for himself which schools to go to. Because that was how my parents let me select my schools. They never once tried to dictate me by telling me which schools to go to. Perhaps try to nudge me in the right direction, but ultimately, I chose to go to the schools I wanted to. And I am thankful for having that privilege.

At least I can say that I've never once regretted going to any of the schools that I've been to.