Yes it is.

And Right here Right now,

I'm feeling damn overwhelmed by the stuff I've to do.

Days before I went to Laos, I knew that I'd definitely have shitloads to do when I come back. But I procrastinated. Couldn't get my stuff done/ Right before going to Laos, I had a list of things I knew I had to do BUT I DIDN"T GET DOWN TO IT. I was worrying about a lot of things and thinking a lot before going to Laos that I felt so uninspired and highly unmotivated to do anything. Like study.

Ugh and now I am overwhelmed by things to do.

I am gonna list out the things I need to do. This shall be my planner. And I shall motivate myself NOW to get things done. Yes, I went to google "too much things to do".

Initially I wanted to complete 3 essays by end recess week. But I realise it's completely impossible so I've decided to hand up one on a later date with different sets of questions to answer.

Let's rank them in order of stressy-ness


1) Newspaper article/ Reaction Story 

Already interviewed 5 people. But I still need to interview Jiaqi, a private tutor and a manager of a tuition centre. It's a reaction story. So I've to get different views from the ground. I'm still stressed about getting enough people coz deadline's Wednesday and I haven't gotten a word written. Only collated ideas. Ugh.

Life as a journalist. And I realise it's so bloody hard being a journalist, getting willing interviewees to talk about issues. Kena rejected dunno how many times, you just get so numb. Actually no, I still think it's getting shit in the face. Hahahah


2) Singapore's Society in Transition essay. 

2200 word kani-freakin-nar-ggrt.

I've written a 4000 word essay before. BUT THAT WAS WHEN I WAS IN NEW ZEALAND WHEN I HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD FROLICKING WITH SHEEP. Now I don't have that luxury of time (and space). I haven't touched it yet.

I really like learning this module. But I realise it's hard too. It delves so deep man. To me, that is. Xi Hsien a socio major believes not, but seriously this is some deep shit man. And I am in some of that deep shit too coz I haven't touched that essay at all and it's freakin me out.

Good thing though, it's due one week later. So I still have time to consolidate my readings and stuff. BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME THIS WEEK. Ugh I want to cry already lah.


3) OCIP documents to submit

After recce trip, there were a lot of things to do again. (recce trip was good btw, another post next time) I've met up with Yunxuan and Sianpei. I'm so thankful for the both of them. Only... they don't know how thankful I am for them. Coz I'm always so mean towards them. I seriously hope they know that I secretly am very grateful to have them by my side.

So much admin work to do. Proposals to submit to organisations: for funding. Deadlines are catching up so soon. I hate admin work. But Sianpei did so much while Yunz and I were away and I'm so thankful. Hi I dunno if you're reading this but I'm thankful. And then Yunz is helping to complete admin stuff now coz I just told them I have shitloads of assignments to complete.

Thank you guys. You guys may never know coz I am like Shrek to you guys and am just so mean to everyone around me. But from the bottom of my heart, I am so thankful, lucky and blessed to have yall with me.

Thankful was used quite a number of times but I hope its meaning hasn't diminished. Yes, I am very thankful, yet you guys don't even know!


4) TV Practicum - Script to collate and write up, Scan for ideas on internet, Package to complete by tomorrow

I... really like doing TV. But sometimes for this mod, I feel like I'm tasked to do additional things. Yet, I get inspired and touched by these non-wkw people doing a wkw elective and trying to do their best in it. Then, I start to feel, actually this isn't much work. It must be way more work for them coz all these things are so new to them yet here I am feeling like I'm overloaded.

I am stressed, but so are they. And way more perhaps coz they've to learn to do so much new things at one time. They can be quite inspiring to me haha.

Was about to whine about TV Prac, then I realise.. I guess there isn't much to whine about for this one when I look at the rest. They must be equally or more stressed than I am.

Ok, but I have a news package to complete by tomorrow and it sucks coz I believe I have to do everything coz my partner is really... really clueless and I can't just leave him hanging. Frustrating. I'm gonna be sleeping in the editing suite tonight.


5) Documentary - I made my neighbour pissed

Initially I was really stressed about this, coz I had left my team to do everything while I was at recce. In the end I only missed a day lah so ok, not too bad. But afterthat, we were down in the dumps when we realised things weren't really working out for us. And finding interviewees and kids to film was so hard. SO HARD. Especially kids.

It's a really interesting topic that we're doing.

So, we were desperate and I was asked to get my kid neighbours to talk in front of the camera for us. This was the third freakin time I had to go to them to ask for help. And ugh, I should've known. To stop. Coz it wasn't really nice doing that like so many times solely for the pursuit of the completion of a project. The first time for a project, second for someone else's project and now, again. They must be thinking it's exploitation of their kids man. So. I was and am quite sad that there's now an awkward relationship between my neighbours and I. I hope things will be better though. I'm pretty sure it'll be so I just gotta wait.

Eventually, we managed to find kids at the playground to film. AND THEY WERE SO GOOOOODD.

Their answers were everything we expected and hoped to get. And so, now, I am less stressed about this module. Coz I thought we were gonna have nothing to film, but now, there is.

And once again, I am so thankful for those boys. They're now my friends. I played badminton, blind mice and dog & bone with them today.

I felt... like a child again :') I forgot about everything I was stressed up over while I was with them. I was happy. I truly was. I can't believe just being in the company of these primary school boys could make me forget everything and just have fun. I can't believe I forgot how to play blind mice. They love to play blind mice. It's impossible.

Speaking of forgetting,

Because of ALLLL these things I have to do, I became so absent minded that I forgot to do so many things today. And only remembered half or an hour later. I missed interviewing a person twice. FREAKIN TWICE. I think I've lost that interviewee. Professionalism down the drain. I forgot to meet the boys to collect consent forms and only remembered half an hour later.

I was astonished by my own behaviour. Has never really happened to me before. No it has never happened to me before.

I concluded that I am overwhelmed and need better time management. Yes, self-realisation has struck me many times before and it has struck me again - I have no sense of time management. And I believe, it's time I do something about it.

Writing this whole chunk of things has allowed me to spit all my thoughts out for whoever who's willing to read all this sad depressing overwhelming stuff I'm occupied with. That's stressing me. But it's great purging stuff out.

And I TRULY seek your understanding if I'm suddenly coming to you for help for things. I'm not exploiting you. It's just kinda last minute, desperate stuff lol. I treasure the friendship and appreciate all the help I can get. And if I appear absent minded, well, I just need to manage my damn time better.

Took me a while to realise that. Been ignorant.

Now my recess week is truly over and I feel really unproductive. And I'm starting to feel sleepy. I get so tired all the time, I believe if you give me nothing to do, I could sleep for days and days and days trying to recuperate.

Good night guys, I am so tired.