Helpin' out at a production. Wanted to learn some tips and trix but mainly to get inspiration. Got paid 50$ too even tho I asked for nth in the first place :'D

The above conversation was one that I had with a Swede a few months back when I established contact with him before I flew to Sweden to understand more about the country. And yes, our conversation slowly led to... talking about relationships. OUR relationships to be precise. Past, present.

I know what you're thinking, nope nothing escalated after that. We didn't make out and have sex, no. Nothing happened.

But he told me about his ex-girlfriend of 7 years and I was of course saddened by the fact that such a long relationship had to come to an end for him. And when it came to my turn to reciprocate my story, I had............................. Absolutely nothing to tell. Zilch, Zero, Nada.


But here is one story I can tell you about - Being single. all. my. life.


Every time someone, whom I've just met, lets their guard down and reveals something about their relationships to me, I almost always feel bad that I have nothing to tell them in return. It always feels as if I was digging for something about their love life and exploiting them after they've shown their vulnerabilities to me. I always get the sense that they think I'm lying when they ask me if I have a boyfriend, and I say no. "What about last time?", they'd ask. And I would say "don't have leh" and then they would respond the same way as the dude above did - "I don't believe it".


Well, I'll tell you something.... Believe it.

All 22 years of my life, I've never had a single relationship, ever. None of those secondary school crush relationships, or 1 month relationship or, even a few days relationship, NONE. I've never made out with a guy, kissed a guy, or good lord, HELD HANDS WITH A GUY.



WOW JUST WOW SI HUI, THAT JUST MAKES YOU A NUN ESSENTIALLY.


Thanks guys, thanks for the support.

But yes, this is all true. And before I go on rambling about what I think about what it means to be single all my life, I need to tell all you people out there who are in the same boat as me that it is okkkkayyy to be single all your life. That doesn't make you any lesser in value, or that nobody loves you, in fact wow, your partner should be so lucky to have you for the first time ; )

--

I recently had this revelation about myself that made me think that... I'm actually glad, so glad, that I never had a single relationship before in my life up to date. Not that it's wrong at all to have relationships in your life, but I think for me.. I'm glad I didn't get attached in my earlier years.

You know the cliche about how you have to love yourself before you can learn to love others? I always never really understood that, but only recently, just recently have I come to realise what it means.

I think during my early years, I never really had a very strong sense of self. I wasn't absolutely comfortable being myself, I always questioned my being. I mean, not that dramatic lah, but I wasn't as confident about my SELF as I probably am much more now. Slowly over the years, I began to understand myself better and grew a lot more within, became a lot more independent. I am much more grounded now and I know myself a whole lot more.

And I realised that if I had committed myself to a relationship, I probably wouldn't have had the energy to focus on developing my self before I could even learn to love someone. I would be struggling because I didn't understand myself before I can even try to understand someone else or give what I have to offer to another human being.

Worst of all, if I had experienced breakups then, with the dude breaking up with me, I'd be so hurt. And in my formative years, I probably would have questioned myself and my personality. Whether I was right for the guy, what did I do wrong? Especially since I didn't really know or love being myself back then, I would probably think there was something seriously wrong with myself, and I'd be in a constant flux of change, searching, seeking for myself. I mean, this happens even to adults during breakups. I might just experience this in my later years when I get into a relationship.

BUT FOR A TEENAGER OR YOUNG ADULT, I think this would be dangerous. I'd be a bloody wreck. Not knowing myself.

And I think I grew up pretty well on my own, finding myself, becoming aware of my being without caring about anybody else, selfish as it may seem. But I truly believe in this, that you need to love yourself before you can wholeheartedly give yourself, your best, to someone else. They don't deserve someone who doesn't even know HERSELF well enough.

Not that I even HAD anyone chasing after me hahahahaha. So thank God for not shoving anyone at me even though I'd question why not, all the time.

What's more, I wouldn't have known what I wanted in a relationship or a partner then. Yes, I might have liked guys but really, they were all based on superficiality like looks, sporty, what have you not. I wouldn't have really treated love as anything deeper than i-like-you-and-you-like-me-let's-be-a-couple. I wouldn't. Not to say that I now know EVERYTHING there is to love, but I would say at least I now know the gravity of the commitment of a relationship and what it means to really BE in love and STAY in love.

--

You'd ask if I have ever dated, ever tried, ever TASTED. Tantalising eh?

Yes I have dated. Well, sort of.

Friends know about some dates, not all, coz I always thought it's kinda disgusting to talk about my love life, which I am so talkin' about now and revealing you gotta congratulate me.

But yes, I think my first unofficial date was in New Zealand last year when a Korean New Zealander asked me out for dinner? He did all the basic stages, ask for number, then ask for dinner date sorta thing. But somehow, we both knew, this. would. end. Because I'd be going back to Singapore and he would stay in NZ. Of coz I must've kinda liked him enough to go out for dinner but I told myself "I cannot fall for him, cannot fall for him." Lucky it was towards the end of my stay on exchange so it was goodbye pretty soon. I would say, that was more of a fling than anything else.


This second one I would say, would be the closest I might have gotten to anything tangible.

We didn't start out as if we liked each other at all but developed a little over time. He was smart, and we could hold conversations for hours. I kinda liked this dude. But somehow, the more I knew him, the more... I knew about his insecurities and they were pretty damaging really.

We were friends with a lil bit of connection in the air, but the moment I knew something might be brewing... the fact that he walked me to my house, I knew I needed to stop anything from developing.

I knew for a fact that I didn't want anything to grow. And I wanted out, so that any pain that could potentially happen wouldn't even occur.

I've always thought that girls who led guys on, are extremely cruel. So many instances I've heard of and so many times the girl could've just stopped but claimed that they didn't know that the guy liked her. How could you not know!! If the guy got you gifts and did special things for you... it's so obvious. You can't not know! For me, I might have really wanted to try how it is like to love, but it would be selfish of me if I knew from the get-go that it wouldn't work and yet, still lead the guy on by going on more dates. I can't. And to think that girls would do that, I think it's really cruel lah. I mean, yes, it's great to know that someone likes you but I'd rather not have it go on any further when I know nothing good will happen of it. Maybe I'm not that close to the guy as a friend therefore I'm willing to just, stop. So it wasn't a friendship that was deeply severed. But, when I'm aware and know that something's not right, I stop. It's the most humane thing to do.

But also I guess from this, you can tell that I'm someone who just won't settle because I'm pressured to settle. Just because of my selfish wants of trying... I'd just try with anyone. Coz I think to even TRY, you gotta really like someone to try and commit to something. I can't just tryyyyy for the sake of it. Perhaps, high expectations is what they call it. The fact that so many of us are still single is because we're expecting too much of the other half. Perhaps we're treating this too seriously. Shouldn't love just be fun? Hmm, yeah. Dating can be fun, a whole lot of fun. But love? Nah, that one needs a whole lot more thought put into.

--

When I talk about pressure, I'm so glad, I have friends who are still single and ready to mingle. I still have friends who are just like me, without a track record at all haha.

And I truly think all of these girlfriends are the best people I know. They are kind and smart and I always wish for guys to see their beauty that shines so damn radiantly. I remember one of my evergreen friends getting a boyfriend last year and we were all so excited because that's one nun graduating from the monastery. I was so happy that someone had seen the beauty that I've seen all throughout my life of friendship with her. And to know that someone appreciates her for who she is, you cannot not know how happy I was for her. Plus, she's a good looker ; ) To date, she is still with him and they are one lovely couple. Shippin' them big time.

She has told me how being in a relationship is really much tougher than she'd imagined it to be. Fights, quarrels. Not rosy all the time.

I dunno what love is, in couple to couple love, because I've been single all my life. But what I do know is universal love. How corny it sounds. But love for my friends, for my family, the people around me, I've at least experienced that. And every relationship needs commitment, needs working on. I think some of my friendships backslid this year because of a lack of attention, and I think same goes for every kind of love. To give and receive.

That's my interpretation of love for now.

And I think the 15 year old me probably wouldn't have been ready for that. Or the 17, or the 19 year old me.

--

Then you ask, would the 22 year old me be ready for it? Am I ready for it now?

I can't say for sure though. Part of me wants to just go with the flow, knowing that there will be someone out there. Not to worry. But a little bit of me would be wondering what if nothing happens. That would be sad lah, but the optimist in me thinks that damn, I really don't believe that there's no one out there for me.

The Swede told me that it's not that easy, just waiting. You gotta try to put yourself out there. Tinder, okcupid, whatever it takes. But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that though. That's a bit extreme for me, to put myself out there on dating apps and stuff. I'm traditional like that. And maybe my ego/pride is at stake. But that would mean I just gotta play the game a whole lot longer. Do I seriously have the time to wait? All 22 years, and no one? Should I really?

At the same time, I think I'm falling into the trap of the career woman thinking of my generation by putting love, relationship and marriage for later. I feel like... now's the time for me to really pursue my dreams and ambitions. I'm just about to take flight in my career... I haven't even actually BEGUN. I have yet to graduate man. Would I really be able to devote my whole self to a commitment that I'm not sure I'm ready for yet?

Then again, that really isn't something for me to say. Because I guess when someone does come along then yes, I'd give it a shot.

Not sure if there's much time left for a few good relationships. 8 years till I hit 30. I can't just play, this shit just got serious.

--

Alright, then I've been asked, "What's your ideal type of guy?"

Hmm.. I've always believed in complementarity. I read this article once and I thought it hit all the right notes for me: http://markmanson.net/compatibility-and-chemistry

"The artist Alex Grey once said, “True love is when two people have pathologies that complement one another.” He was only half-joking. High levels of chemistry usually come from opposite yet complementary qualities in people."

Judging from my parents' state of relationship (going strong having just passed their 25th anni), I think this proves to be true.

So if you know me by now, you'll know what kinda guys I'm likely to gravitate towards... SOMEONE WHO IS UNLIKE ME. Hahahaha. But I do think some lifestyle choices and values have to be similar, which is also addressed in this article.

I think I like easy-going guys, coz I think I'm quite uptight leh? Even though a lot of people think I take stress very well and that I appear chill, I think what goes on in my head is a time bomb, evaluating and thinking and trying to make sense of things. Can get quite crazy up in there hahaha. I don't need to have a guy who's funny, even though that's what a lot of girls search for in guys.

To me, what's most important is that you're not afraid to be you, and yourself and I think that's the best thing you can offer to anyone. Seriously. Whether you complement each other, that's for nature to decide by letting it take its course~~~~

--

If you ask me, am I scared? Yeah, I might be scared that I won't find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Yeah I might be scared if people think less of me because I've yet been in any relationship. But for the most part, I'm not really afraid. I dunno where or how I get that confidence but it's just something that will happen, sooner or later.

So before I end this long ass of a blog post let's just say that once when I was young, I read in a magazine or the papers about this successful lady who recalled her time when she was younger. She had promised herself never to get into a relationship before entering University.

I decided there and then that... Wow, I wanna be JUST LIKE HER. I'll stay out of any of this love thing before University, which probably made her so successful today. So I was thinking, only when I go to University, then I'll consider it.

But here I am, in my last year of University, still unattached and single HAHAHAHA. I'm so funny.

I guess this goes to show how nobody can really dictate their lives. When I asked my evergreen friend who became attached how her relationship developed with her then-friend, now boyfriend, she attributes it a lot to fate. Had she not been in the same room, at the same time, alone, with him and only him, things might not have happened or progressed. So it seems to me how love seems to unveil itself by an f word. Always lurking, always ready to catch you at unexpected times.

Love and relationships will always be what people crave for. It makes you happy, makes you giggly, makes you sad and angry. It pulls people apart, makes them go crazy, yet it also brings people together in extraordinary ways.

I've yet to feel what that love is supposed to feel like but I've no doubt that someday I will.


Whether you're going on 16 or 60, I wish you all the love as a single, attached or married person. Whether you were in a recent breakup or rekindling lost love, there will always be lots of love in this world to go around. An abundance of it. And know that you will always be loved.

Enjoy, my friends!!!!

It is about the Assyrian immigrants in Sweden. Very relevant as well since Sweden is increasingly anti-immigrant. In fact, EVERYWHERE IS. Assyrians have successfully integrated into their system so check this story about how one man acts as a leader to his community.

There is something deeper about the Assyrian community that isn't fully depicted in this video. I listened to what the club owner had to say about Assyrians and it moved me incredibly. He talked about how Assyrians long to have a country of their own, a place where they can call home. It reminded me of the Jewish diaspora as well. (Now they have Israel, which is still high in contention and at war) And here we have the Assyrian diaspora... who have no home, no nation, and they are continually moving, searching for somewhere where they truly belong. Can you imagine living with an identity but have nowhere that you can truly say is your nation? It's like you're Singaporean but there is no country called Singapore and you're constantly carving out a community of your own in other people's backyards. But because you're an immigrant, no one would wholesomely welcome you. It's incredibly saddening and stories like these need to be told.

While producing this video, I was extremely touched by one of our team members, Stefanus, who is a print journalist. This video was sort of supplementary to his story on Assyrian immigrants. He didn't have to but he went ALL OUT to make sure we got a contact for our video. I still remembered the day when he told me he managed to get this profile in our video, David Durmaz, the captain of Assyriska Foreningen soccer team in Sweden for us.

I remember being so so thankful to him, really. We bought tickets for a match and talked to anyone we could find. I tried talking to a parent of a soccer player. I managed to speak with the player in the end, but was too mesmerised by his beauty that I couldn't really communicate HAHAHA. But yeah, it was a dead end. But Stefanus, wow, he really got to one of them over there and secured an interviewee. FOR US. He's one heck of a good journalist lah I must say.



And here were the two of us, Reshma and I, about a month ago,


Editing the video with final touches in our favourite place - the editing suite. yay.

I had a small chicken drumstick in my mouth when we took this photo btw don't mind me HAHAHAHA.


The guy in the video looks like Adam Levine from Maroon 5 I swear. While we were there, I just looked at him and told him in his face that he looks like a singer. He doesn't know who or what Maroon 5 is though. I guess.. there are places where pop culture hasn't reached hoho.


Alrightey then, that sorta is the end of my Go-Far videos. Hope you liked them and that they were up to YOUR standard dear oh mighty & powerful anonymous Internet people.

More posts to come~~ I've been meaning to write some.

Argh, I feel this uneasiness in my heart and I've been running away from it. LITERALLY AS WELL. Go out for runs because I want to get things off my mind. Usually I run because I want to think about something and ponder about life's difficult questions. But this time I'm running because I want to RUN AWAY from whatever that's on my mind. So the running isn't helping. Just lets me procrastinate whatever I'm supposed to do even further. Argh!!

Life is still good. Everyone else is studying for exams, while I am just here doing my own thing.

Oh did I tell you I'm leaving for Japan in two weeks' time? Bro's grad trip with da family! You know what's awesome when you go with family.. not a single cent spent from your own pocket haw haw. I've never been to Japan! So I'm quite excited. For the food and yeah the food. Not the cold tho.

But before I leave, I need to do everything I possibly can for FYP.

I need to get this uneasiness out of my head and stop running away. Stop!!! I gotta get to it. Now, now, now.

Our final product for Go-Far~~~


When we launched this documentary short, I was debating with myself whether I wanted to share it on Facebook or just here (my private little space). It was my introverted self VS my extroverted self. The former didn't want to draw attention because I didn't want to get validation from others. I didn't think I needed the likes, comments, etc. Of course it would be great to get validation from your peers but it's too narcissistic my goodness!! Even if they were praises, I somehow didn't feel too comfortable with too much attention drawn. My introverted self would want to hide away and only share it to exclusive people. Yet, at the same time, the latter was screaming to have this piece of work watched!!! I wanted people to know more about this big Spotify debate and understand this whole Taylor Swift-removes-music-from-Spotify thing and the reasons behind it. I wanted to put it out there and have it shared because a whole lot more people should learn about this. Also, after months of hardwork, why not man. Not that of a big deal.

Eventually, my whole self was convinced and the extrovert in me won. What a bipolar I am.

So I've put it out there and yes of course it was nice seeing everyone's comments that they liked it. Then again, I'm sure there are stuff that ain't good and I do enjoy a bit of a debate and criticism. My bro is always good at it hahaha.

He didn't really like the graphics because he thought it didn't fit the theme of the documentary. It was nice to hear what he thought. And I'd like to hear more thoughts on it. Whether it sat/or didn't sit well with you. Part of me felt that it was a little too pro-Spotify, and I still think it is. But what to do? In every piece, you need to move towards a certain argument.

I definitely hope this film gets further than where it currently is. We intend to send it to film fests and stuff. But I really dunno if film fests are the way to go because it's such an info-overload topic.. Would anyone really wanna watch a music + tech film?? Really????

We'll see I guess. I don't really have expectations of this happening. But thanks to Taylor Swift, at least she's bringing the issue back into the spotlight.

Haven't read about it? Here you go: http://www.businessinsider.sg/taylor-swift-explains-why-she-left-spotify-2014-11/#.VG96xleUdbs

It happened 2 weeks ago and is still being discussed now, so why are you still living in your cave?? Hahaha.

---

What you see today is a culmination of months and months of hard work, worry and stress. So when my supervisor thought we were overconfident, I was seriously SHOCKED. Coz never had a day passed without my thinking of this Go-Far project. And they were all worries, with me distraught half the time. My blog evidently speaks volumes of my thoughts day in, day out.

Remember how I felt so down when the very first edit was made? It was quite crappy - we got a whole lot of criticism thrown at us and had to cut out A LOT of stuff. And remember the very very first time I was so bloody scared and insecure about anything going to work? Those were true feelings that I had felt then.

Here we are in November and I'm glad we finally did it. We really did it. I'm proud of the work leh? Yes of course grades are important. I'd be so sad if we get anything less than a B+. But if we really do, then ya know what, at least my whole self thinks it is something that I can be proud of.

Back to my insecurities - I was not totally confident about it most of the time, even after yesterday's launch. I was quite scared in fact? What are people gonna think about it? I may be happy with it, but uh... I'm not the person this documentary was made for.

I honestly don't quite know how to judge the final product because we changed it a few times and kept editing it. I've watched it a thousand times and I think all 3 of us have become quite numb to it. We received negative feedback most of the time while we were at it, felt down, and I guess when you actually receive good feedback, you really don't know whether to believe it or not.

But let's just say, it was at least a journey well spent.

I have learnt so much from my own friends Reshma and Lizzy. I am very impressed by their abilities. I underestimated them when they are in fact, very talented people. Sometimes I ask myself whether I contributed at all to the team HAHAHAHHAA. So, yes, kudos to them. I have nothin' on them.

This ain't our only video. We have one more coming right up, which is way shorter, about 5 mins long. This one received a lot of good feedback right at the beginning and I dare say Reshma was the one who helmed it and pulled it all together. Excellente, excellente. Can't wait for you to watch it as well.

I might close the chapter on Go-Far soon. It is also time to because it has been such a long-drawn process. We still have an exhibition, which will be up next year.

I can't WAIT to see all of my friends' works! Print and photography - selected ones will be up on the Straits Times. I heard this weekend, but I'm not too sure. It is all worth the read and especially so for me, since I know what all these people put themselves through to get their stories and pictures. Never short of excellence, my school mates.

I'm gonna sound like a marketing person right now but go like our Facebook page if you haven't to read up what the team was up to a month ago. It's called Go-Far 2014: Sweden. Everything will be out soon! You'll understand Sweden a whole lot more, from its fantastic welfare system (or not), migrant problems (global problem right now) to its alcohol policies and.. well, mainly migrant issues. All worth the read I promise.

Go ahead and check em out~~~

In the meantime, I'm actually a little stressed about FYP. I was going crazy about it yesterday and the days before. But today gave me a little boost in confidence and I'm gonna try to get myself sorted and fixed tomorrow. I'm gonna devise a plan.

I hope it works.


I'll leave you with this fantastic photo of us three while we were in a wooded area of a city called Södertälje, in Sweden!

Yeap including the one in the middle, he in ma fyp group.
That's Mr Kunalan btw. The legendary runner.. I was sucha fan girl when I got to meet him.
That's the Sports Stadium at the back, we were at Dunman High shooting a video for them to raise funds for our FYP.

Got the opportunity to meet a couple of great legends of Singapore's good old days in the 70s of Track and Field. Mr Kunalan truly is a very very very nice man. It was such an incredible honour to meet him. Extremely funny as well. I love him! Appeared on television a couple of times, but I didn't know he'd be this old today. 72! Wow. And he seemed so frail when he walked into the room and greeted us. But on the track, it was like.. he was back in action. Stretching and all. Ahhh he is so cute. A plus point? Chinese wife. Inter-racial harmonisation~~

--

Anyway, the point of this post is to talk about my Final Year Project group.

Let's bitch about them. Let's go!

Nah, jokes. I'm here to talk about my friends.

I must say, I truly am very happy to be part of an all-girls FYP group.

When we first started out, and got together, I actually thought, my my, the going might be tough because we have different thinking about what we want as well as different types of skill sets.

For 2 of them, the visuals drive the story. The more beautiful the pictures of a film, will be what makes or breaks the film.

For me, it is the story that should drive the film. More than anything else. Because the human element is what draws audiences to watch.

Nobody is right or wrong, it's just different styles. The fact that we all went to different internship companies and learnt different ways of working probably influenced the mindset and style of film that we each aim for.

We took quite a long time to agree on what theme and topic we wanted in the film. Struggled quite a bit with that at first. I almost thought wah, cannot siah, what are we gonna do!

But over the past few months up till today, I am seeing our strengths emerge. I learn a little more about my team mates every time.

I realise how our different skillsets is what makes our team so well put together. We have different personalities and different skills, but put them all together, we make quite a perfect team. I see that, and it's pretty clear as day.

Amelia is great at visualising and has an eye for images. Zhuoda is good with camerawork and was with me throughout Go-Far and has practised her skills quite a bit. Ms Sianpei, my good friend, is an excellent meticulous video editor and scheduler. As for me, I am public enemy number 1 and all 3 of them hate me. Hahaha, but in all seriousness, I like to focus on the story and try my best to bring out the most human element of a story, which I am not great at yet and needs workin' on.

But you see where I'm going? We specialise in different areas and to me, that makes for a brilliant team. We're only at the beginning of our very long journey ahead of months of filming but this is what I see in my team and I think it shows our strong makings. Whether or not my theory proves to be true will only unravel by itself over the next few months ahead.

What I also like about our team is that... we're not exactly girls. We're all boys. Now, before you think we're just a bunch of lesbians rolling in the deep and having orgies with one another. No.

What I mean is that, we're all girls who aren't your typical sweet or emotional girl. I like how we're direct with one another. Well, not overly direct. I think we are still quite intuitive of each other's feelings. But I like how we can talk about areas of improvement quite openly. I think that's extremely important in a team? Because if you can't openly communicate about what you're unhappy with, it's not very healthy at all.

At the same time, I think.. our team can be a little too serious sometimes haha.

With our open conversations, and as we talk about what can be improved, our conversations can steer into extremely.. dead serious conversations. Can get quite tense and I always feel like I need to act as a defuser. Or sometimes I get sucked into the seriousness as well. It's quite scary.

Another thing about our team is that.. I think, we worry a little too much. I'm no expert but I learned that in production, there always will be 101 uncertainties to face. Shooting documentaries is never an easy game to play. There will always be unexpected situations that may arise along the way. Things that you can never plan for. Things you will not have answers for. And might even leave you with more questions. Usually I am one who is risk-averse but in this case, going with the flow can be best.

There are definitely legit worries that will be addressed time to time and thank god for meetings so we can plan what we can do. I also have worries about how our story will pan out.. there are so many what-ifs. What if our documentary doesn't eventually go according as we dream or plan. What if it's just so damn plain and boring, nobody's going to watch it?

But the one thing I tell myself is to have a little faith. I think documentary film-making takes a lot of faith. A million things can go wrong for you, but at the same time, it could be serendipitous that those things go wrong because somehow usually when things like that happen, a gem emerges and steers the story in another direction. That's what I try to let myself think if things go awry during production. Sometimes I also question myself a lot. But I realise there is just no way we can have answers for certain things, so faith is all we have. Which is all a little fluffy, but.. that really is all that we can hope for sometimes.

There is one legit concern for me though and that is, our profile speaks a lot of mandarin. I'm the interviewer. And my mandarin is so bad that even my Korean friend's Chinese is better than mine. So... it's gonna be a bit difficult for me to connect with our profile and interview her I think. Maybe it'll take a lot longer for me to chummy up to her, especially since I'm speaking a language that does not come second nature to me. Which is one of life's greatest failures to me haha. But I will try to work around it. Maybe speak more mandarin now?

It occurred to me that, with every new project that I embark on, there will be new and different obstacles to overcome. I try to take them head-on. Even with this language barrier thing, I'm going to try my best. I dunno how yet, but I hope I'll find a way somehow.

Another thing that I'm so thankful for, for my team, is how we help one another a lot? I remember when Zhuoda and I were doing Go-Far, I was extremely and am still extremely thankful for the other 2 for steering this current athletes project. The team wouldn't have coped if they didn't step up. It's these actions that speak so much louder than anything else.

At the same time, I have a huge confession to make to my FYP group mates and that is.. I am actually quite tired. I have to say my inertia for production is actually quite low right now. I figured it was because of the non-stop productions since the start of this year that has caused my spirit to have dampened quite a bit. I never got a proper break in-between at all. My steam is almost out and it's something that's quite scary lah to me. Coz I started with a lot more energy and wonder than I do now.

Since internship started, I swear, I haven't got a single time to rest and I think I didn't expect to have one project come after another that quickly. It's like one wave after another and with each project comes new expectations and I might just have used up a lot of my energy and enthusiasm for earlier projects. Whenever I think about FYP, I will think about how we can improve our storyline, and worry about some things. But sadly, my mind also wanders to thoughts of... resting. I feel guilty sometimes because I think it might be coz I'm feeling lazy. And I don't like to know that I'm feeling lazy coz lazy just means you're so LAZY AND CAN'T BE BOTHERED. So irresponsible and not taking charge of your life.

But I must admit.. I need a break. At least for now. Then again, I don't think we have any time to spare for resting. Perhaps, I should manage it properly and be strategic with what I place emphasis on. My Channel NewsAsia colleague once told me that for her to survive, she has to work smart. She works very hard, and puts 200% in her work. But not for everything. Prioritising is the key and she won't put all her efforts into other things she finds of least importance. She phrased it in a very succinct way but I can't remember the phrase right now.

BUT, BUT, my need for a break doesn't mean that I want to give up on FYP. I will never give up on FYP. What are you talking about. Although I get jealous of the groups who are going to shoot overseas - Pakistan and Nepal. (wth I know, I wish!!) And they're launching their films on multimedia platforms, which is something I've wanted to do because films reach a wider audience, I still want to make this documentary a success.

As of now, everything is extremely uncertain. We don't know what our profile would do. Whether it'll be a plain old story. Whether the human elements of it will be brought out... But faith (and a little bit of rest haha) will go a long way I believe. I believe something good will come out of it and I can only think of positive things for my FYP group.

I wouldn't choose to go to another team if I had a choice to pick again. I would pick my current FYP group, many times over. That's how much I trust in us. Whether or not things will turn out the way we hope for, time will only tell.

As of now, Amelia, Zhuoda and Sianpei will always be the friends that I would pick to do my Final Year Project with. Many times over.

My school's semester will officially end. Like OFFICIALLY end because I don't have any written exams to sit for. How fantastic huh?

But that means I have tests to sit for next week before the term ends.

I seriously can't believe life has moved so damn fast, I tell you my FYP will be over in a blink of an eye and I wouldn't even know it.

This semester has been Go-Far semester. Seriously. I see myself doing just Go-Far allll the way lol. I'm still sorta doing it right now liaising with music companies for publishing rights. It's crazy troublesome. Seems like we gotta pay $500?! What the hell man. Argh.

Final Midterms for Media Law this Tuesday. I got my results for my second midterm last Sunday and I actually did better than my first even though I only studied 2 days before the test. The first one I mugged like crazy ok and didn't even do well, compared to all my smart schoolmates. But I'm really funny because when it comes to exams, the harder the test, the better I do. FUNNY HUH? Coz the second test was a lot more hard than the first and the average for the entire cohort dipped. But I did better on my second test. I was so confident for my first test and not so for my second, yet I did better for the latter. Life is always very strange for me. Guess maybe someone up there wants to quash my confidence lol.

But I still gotta work a lot more harder for my final midterms to catch up with the entire cohort and pull up the overall grade. I would love to get an A- but I think I might have to expect a B+ or B because once again, my school is just full of geniuses or maybe they work to their bones.

I hope life is a lot fairer for you too, reader. See ya in a bit ; )