Let me find my blogging mojo once again alright! I'm at a low stage right now. Dunno why either. Busy with life? Maybe... lately I don't know what to blog about. I'm kinda bored with the internet. I'm scrolling blogs to read as well but bloggers don't blog nowadays. I'm doing this data entry thing, whereby I key in survey responses. It's a survey done by a phD student in my school finding out social networking site usage and the ones that I'm tabulating were given to Serangoon JC students to fill out. On a range of 1-7, how often do you use SNSs like Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. Of course, I saw a string of 7s for Instagram. It's such a used thing now. Booming trend especially among youths. My friend and I would always wonder why the kids younger than us would always get like 100+++ likes for their pictures?! Crazy. As for the survey responses on blogs? Meh, I saw mostly below 4s. Rarely 5 and above. Nobody types anymore or talks about their lives anymore. Bite-sized pictures rule the Social Networking sphere now. Research backs that up, not that it was a research to find out about the phenomenon but users' habits and patterns. I guess as life becomes more fast-paced, people have less time to sit down, contemplate and regurgitate their thoughts in word-form. Quite sad don't you think. What's interesting as I tabulated those responses was that I saw some people actually wrote stuff on their survey forms. It wasn't part of any question, they just wrote stuff on their own accord. I saw them rarely, one in maybe 50 surveys. Somebody actually wrote in the survey beside one of the questions: "I use social network to run away from things I don't want to face" Wow.... it was actually kind of depressing to read that. It wasn't even part of the survey to write anything down, just circle from 1-7 on how much you agree/disagree but this person was actually emotionally drawn out doing that survey. So, well, before you do surveys, know that someone will actually be reading your surveys to tabulate results hahaha.

Anyway, school's out. FYP moderation was yesterday and I'm soooo glad our moderators loved our documentary. Moderation would mean that lecturers and professors who are grading us would ask us questions, which we'd have to provide answers for. Their feedback was something we didn't quite expect. I am only thankful that they really really liked our documentary. I really really like our documentary too haha. I would do it all over again with the girls I worked with. I don't say this with every group I've worked with..... It is kinda bittersweet that school has ended for all of us. I still have exams to sit for in the next couple of weeks, but after that, school truly is officially out. I've been saying in my other posts that I can't believe I'm graduating and I really can't believe that I am. I think especially for us Singaporean kids because school has been a mega large part of all of our lives. To not school anymore is a strange feeling. I think... we all can't help but realise that adulthood sounds scary because that safety net isn't there anymore. We're gonna have to face real-world problems now haha. We no longer have to care just about grades, what our GPA is, whether we'll make it to a jc or poly or uni. There's no straight out institutional pathway to follow already. Parents aren't gonna be there for us to support us as much anymore. We won't have adults like teachers to guide us anymore. Mentors later in life, yeah maybe. But us... we ourselves are becoming adults who will someday also be parents, teachers and mentors. And right now we're facing a point in time in our lives when hey, we're really gonna be doing things ourselves hereon. It is still largely quite exciting for me, but I can sense a lot of my peers are stressed about this. I mean I myself get a bit quizzical about life ahead. Last night the school held a gathering at Clarke Quay for alumni and us Year 4 students after FYP moderation. (such great welfare from the school btw, thank you) And well, everyone's just asking everyone else what the heck are you gonna do after school and now and forever. I can tell you, nobody I've spoken to had a clear idea of what they want to do. I myself just told everyone else that I'm going to do an internship and yada yada yada.

Ah yes, I'm going to Myanmar this July for a 4-month internship. Something I wanted to tell you guys but never got down to coz there never was the mood haha. But yessss I got it!!! And I'll be leaving SG on 29th June. I'm gonna be missing a lot of events here.. like SG50, my mom's birthday... Well, I'll be taking leave to come back for graduation convocation though haw haw so no worries bout that.

But yes, I digressed. All I could tell people was that I'm going to Myanmar. "What will you be doing there?" Oh, business. It's a business consultancy firm that was set up by a Singaporean so businesses interested to set up in Myanmar go there. "Why'd you want to do an internship there?" I just wanted to branch out from communications for a while. They'll need me to do a video there nevertheless but yeah... I just want a taste of something different for a while. I get paid like $400 only but that's ok! I want to experience how it's like in business. "I see.. so what are you going to do after you come back from Myanmar?" Oh, I dunno, I'll see. I liked my time at Channel NewsAsia so maybe I'll go back! But I'm keeping my options open.

So yes, that's something I repeat every time someone asks me. But as you can tell, I don't have a concrete plan. A lot of my peers too. And I think that's ok actually... We're young, it's the time to explore our options and do things that we want to do or try. I can tell some of my friends are a bit lost. I feel like they are scared too and they try to convince themselves that they have a valid interest in something. But sometimes I feel like reaching out to say.. it's ok to not know yet. There's time. And I'm sure when we're out there trying things, we'll find out what it is that will make us tick. And we'll find out what's worth doing for the next part of our lives. I mean... we'll be doing this for the rest of our lives so live and let live. At least know a semblance of what it is but nobody will ever be clear of what lies ahead.

Right now, I'm just more of sad. I was kinda depressed last night coz I didn't expect the last day of school to end like that. I just didn't feel right or maybe feel happy enough. I even turned down going for after drinks coz I didn't feel very up-to-form or whatever it is. I was actually bored. So I started to contemplate on my own as I returned to hall by myself. Trying to give accounts to why I was feeling how I was feeling. I still don't know why actually. Maybe one of those blues and emo things that happen every now and then and I just can't explain why. Or maybe I was just lonely lol. Nevertheless, I'll miss school definitely. I'll miss THIS school. I'll miss having friends. I don't know whether I'll make real friends who aren't tryna become friends with you for utility purposes. I don't think I'll miss doing projects. Well, maybe. I won't miss studying because it has caused me to be stressed. But I'll miss the beauty of studying - solely for the concepts I've learnt and the awareness I've gained.

School's out, unofficially!

It has been such a wordy post. I don't know if you enjoyed reading these thoughts or if anybody reads blogs anymore huu huu :'( I'm gonna head back to studying. For my last. exams. everrrr.

Hi Hi Hi been away for a while sorry!!! Exams coming up and April is just an insane month.

Tomorrow is the Pre-Admission WKWSCI Dinner. Guess what, I'm not only presenting... I'm emceeing as well hahaha. So, SEE YOU ALL THEREEEE.

Better rehearse otherwise I'd trip up eeeek.

I hope I'll be back soon with blog posts!!!!! Have a lot of news to tell, and I hope I can find the time to tell you guys more : )

Yeap, as the heading sez, rejections.

Job hunting can be difficult because in times like these, I have to be brave and know that I will come to face rejections in many things that I apply for. The road is never smooth. How philosophical.


So, as you all know, I applied for AP and BBC internships.



Oh, it is never easy to take in.

I also applied for a position in Al Jazeera - I damn gungho lah, supposed to be Senior Producer position and at least a few years experience but ah wtheck since there's an opening.

So of course,


Yet another rejection.

Makes me think about the template each company uses to reject their candidates. "Thank you", "We appreciate"... oh cut to the chase and save us the agony hahahaha.

I applied to all of them knowing that competition stakes were high but I still wanted to give it a try. My motto is always to try, otherwise you'd just never know... Rejections are all part of the process I suppose if you're willing to put yourself out there and do the things you want to.

It's easy to give up and become bitter because the time invested to send out these applications - carving out a nice portfolio and impressive cover letter all in the hopes of standing out from the rest - will come to a nil with rejections. But I suppose, it was all worth the time and shot. It may be a little stupid but I think it is worth it!

Right now, I applied for an internship with a consultancy firm in guess where? Myanmar.

It's a bit crazy coz it's a business firm and I have zero experience with Business and they're looking for graduates with a biz, law, econs background but I somehow managed to get an interview with them.

And that interview, I just had it this morning. Now, I am supposed to write a 1,000 word essay on "The Pros & Cons of Greece exiting the Euro". It is due within the next 2 days.

I know, I know.. I wonder what in the world I'm getting myself into sometimes, but I really want to expand my skill sets. Right now, I feel like I only have communications skill sets and a lack of work experience.

Also, Myanmar. It's a SEA country that I love after 2 years of studying SEA History in JC and I foresee something amazing that will blossom in that country. It's expanding and I am excited to be part of this movement as it grows politically and economically. I mean seriously, I look up to Aung Suu Kyi, so to me, it'd be amazing to see the growth of Myanmar or I would rather call it, Burma.

But I'm kinda freakin out with the essay, well ok, not literally but this article that I have to write is pretty damn technical and the last time I touched anything that has to do with econs was in JC. 4 years ago and I really am starting from a clean slate here writing this article. What's expected of me is a critical analysis, and I'm trying to see how I can write impressively even with my lack of knowledge. Two days. That's all I have. I'm gonna have to do something to push my limits, if this is what I want.

And if I get it, it'll be a 4 months internship at Yangon starting in July. I'll do my best, just like everything else in life~~~

I'll update you guys if I do!!! And I suppose, my grad trip will be determined ; ) Southeast Asia backpacking woohoo!!!!!

And if I don't, then I will just have to deal with it~

---


Speaking about everything else in life, ugh I'm gonna talk about dating.

Yes, I've been out on dates the past few months this year.

And can I just say that I am... EXHAUSTED.

Oh my goodness, I think my energy for career applications is hella more fervent than dating ok. Man, dating's supposed to be fun but it's getting exhausting leh. Aiya I won't go into details about how I even landed myself into these dates but, the fact that I've to meet a guy whom I completely do not know at all and then having to make small talk that sometimes amount to nothing. Wow, I am e x h a u s t e d.

I must say, at the start, it was kinda fun. Meeting new people, the excitement, but wahlau tiring leh after a while, when you realise the chemistry isn't working at all.

And I realise I can't take dates with strangers anymore. Because... if nothing happens, they become short-term relationships after that few hours that you've taken to know the dude. I for one, cannot live with short-term relationships because they are sad and my heart cannot take it. I love humans and the people I meet so when I have come to know you even for a few hours, I grow to like you and wish to know you better. But when it comes to love, it's either yes or no and nothing comes out of it if a connection isn't there.

Sometimes I think I know why people no longer want to be in love or fall in love and want to cocoon their hearts forever.

It's because people get hurt.

I get hurt because I feel sad when I can't emotionally connect with someone deeper and I have to let go of someone just because we don't match.

A lot of the times, I wonder why my gut is telling me: Honey, this isn't working out. Then I'd question myself if I even know what I'm looking for, or do I have too high expectations, or am I too impatient or... wow, there's just so much things to think about.

Then inevitably, I'd wonder if I have an inherent flaw in my personality.

I'd never think this way before but recently, after all the dates that I've been on, I'd just wonder... wow, what is going wrong man. Why isn't any of them moving on. I always thought that I just can't click with the other person. But I make sure not to rule out one thing, which is myself. It is hard to sometimes think that you could be the problem. Awareness is essential and well, I will need to see through it if indeed it is true.

But I don't think it is me leh!? Hahahahaha. If cannot click.. means cannot click right alamak.

I am a firm believer of being yourself and well, if two people don't understand one another or the other doesn't like you as you are, then it really isn't meant to be.

And sometimes, people question themselves and whether they're normal or they're doing things right for someone to like them. I have always believed that no one should act differently just to impress another person.

The fact is, if it doesn't work out. It just doesn't. It could be that personalities don't fit, beliefs aren't aligned, chemistry isn't there.

That's why it sucks.

Love is cruel. But I have come to understand that we're all individuals and we seek different things so it's never because you're built a certain way and the fact that you can't find someone, doesn't mean that there's something innately wrong with you. It's just that.. you haven't found someone who complements you.


I am early into this dating game. I am still a virgin at this and as much as it's confusing me and making me sick I guess I just gotta keep at it. I tell myself to always keep my mind in check. My heart can rule my mind once in a while, but the two must always act as a team and keep Tan Si Hui sane along the way~

For now, singlehood is the way to go. There isn't much choice to it, is there HAHAHA.

I will have to trust in divine timing. I'm not gonna cage my heart forever duh. I'd sign myself up at the nun monastery if that's the case.


Rejections, rejections, tough. But all necessary in life. I will try my best to face them all, positively~

So glad to have worked with these beautiful ladies.... We are left with Moderation day, which is basically a Q&A session with our moderators. And we be doneeee. DONEEEE. Ermagadddd.

It's crazy all those months leading up to it. I remember all those painful months, but ya know it's just like giving birth. The labouring process of having that baby in your womb was tough but when you birth that baby... omg, tears in ma eyes.

Before that, you tell yourself, not another one. But after giving birth, you say, yes why not another one. I can do it all over again. And the process repeats.

:'D We are proud mothers.

I wish I could show you the finished product but due to agreements that we've signed with an external organisation, I'm afraid our documentary is closed doors. Probably the only time you'll ever get to view it is during a screening of all of WKWSCI's films, which is in July.

I'm so proud of it, yet I can't show my beautiful child. I know.... I wish I could hold him up like Simba, but I can't. Sorry folks.

Nevertheless I hope you feel my happiness.

In the meantime, you can have a look at my school's FYP friends' awesome stuff. This is the first one that's proliferating the internet - A look at Nepal and the misunderstanding that everyone's a mountain climber. A multimedia project: http://www.iamnotaclimber.com/ 

I think multimedia projects are the way forward and I see myself embarking on one in the near future...

As of now, with FYP done, I have another report to do for another module and soon it'll be my written exams at the end of this month and start of May.

And then.... the inevitable graduation is here. Ahhh!!! Wow wowowowow.


Anyway, I've something to tell you guys... I will be doing a presentation on WKWSCI at Fairmont Hotel on the 18th of April. Ya know, the event that every incoming freshie is invited to attend? Hell yehhhhh, much excites!

So if you wanna catch meh in action, GO FOR IT. I didn't go for it in my time 3/4 years back coz I was in the UK then on a family holiday. But well, it should be an informative session. Good food I heard ; )

AND COME ON, I'LL BE THERE. How could you miss it. How could you miss ME?!

Also, if you're too shy or dying to know answers even before the event, I'M HERE WITH THE ASK.FM BOARD HEHEHEHE.

Here ya go!



Finally got down to creating an account. I'mma place it as a banner beneath my current tagboard. I've a feeling my retro tagboard is slowly gonna die off after I have this ask.fm thing.

Be nice ok, don't trash me up and down lest I commit suicide. HAHA, no joke k in the news so many cases. RIP.


Hmm what else, I know April is one heck of a busy month with quite a few events. I'm gonna be running my 21km race this Sunday omalawrdddd. I've to be at the venue at 4am yo. No joke coz the flag-off is at 5am. Yippee. And I've yet another race to run on the 11th of April with my girlfriendsss at Sentosa. Music Race. Heng it's only 5km else I die man.

Gonna meet a couple of people this month too, all ma friendssss. We gonna play catch-up!


Oh and I attended a dialogue session today where a Minister spoke to us NTU students about National Identity. It was a Q&A session. I think with recent events, it was such a pertinent dialogue and since the school kept spamming my inbox with emails, I thought let's go for it. True enough, it was an insightful, engaging session. I did my part by raising a question. To my dismay... it wasn't the answer I was looking for. Politically correct I would say. But answers to other questions were quite on point I thought and I agreed with a whole lot. Don't wanna be discussing these issues here, that would be another lengthy discussion altogether haha.

I shall attend more dialogues! So interestingggg~~


Alrightey then, Good Friday to you allll and I'll try my best to post Spain posts the next couple of days whenever I can : )