Those who have been reading my blog over the years, and even more recently, I think you guys know how transparent I can be in penning down m...

Those who have been reading my blog over the years, and even more recently, I think you guys know how transparent I can be in penning down my thoughts. I can be politically correct for the need to due to censorship or maybe, self-censorship. But I always try my best to be as truthful and honest about what I think. Because I am learning about my country and I don't see a need to shut my curiosity just because it touches on sensitive issues.

I won't get into trouble for this I believe, but it doesn't matter because therein lies a need for conversations such as these~

As mentioned, I was at the University of Oxford to present my FYP and you can read my experience in the post before this. But what I didn't mention were the works that were showcased alongside mine.

My FYP is about a 12-year-old boy whose father was incarcerated and we wanted to explore his thoughts and emotions about having a loved one in prison. Initially, I wondered why the University was interested in showcasing our project, because it really is quite a simple story. Even after they categorised our film with two other Singaporean films under the name, "Forgiveness in Singapore", I still didn't quite get it.

But after attending the conference, I soon understood why our project so very much linked to the other two and the subject at hand.

The film that was showcased before ours was titled, "1987: Untracing the Conspiracy". It was about political detainees in Singapore at the time of 1987 when the Internal Security Act was in place. My team mates and I had already watched this film back when we were in Selangor attending the Freedom Film Festival. It was quite crazy then to meet those people who were captured and apparently, tortured by Singaporean police back then. To force them to make confessions. That they were Marxists.

And that was the narrative back then when Lee Kuan Yew was in power or trying to gain hegemony in politics. He purged political opponents using the ISA by apparently accusing them of being communists.

Then, the next film that was showcased after mine was the one that I had so highly anticipated.

To Singapore, with Love.

The banned film in Singapore that caused such an uproar one or two years back. I had even signed that petition to allow it to be shown here because why shouldn't we be able to watch something that explored the other side of Singapore? MDA called the film one-sided, maybe, but I'm sure we will be able to make our own judgments as informed citizens of our country.

I watched it. And I thought it was heartwarming, touching, albeit a bit too long, but the essence of what it was trying to portray was there. That these exiles long to be back at home. Simple as that. It wasn't so much of what "the government did to us was really wrong." It was a portrayal of wanting to go back to a country that they were born in and fought for certain rights through student lobbying.

Yes, some of them felt that they were wrongfully exiled. That there served no reason for them being taken away from their country, when all they did was lobby against some of the political views of the Singapore government. They were then accused of being communists, and exiled for well, the rest of their lives.

Imagine being asked not to ever come home by your parents who said you were being unruly and rebellious for some of the things you did. You can never come home.

Now, what excited me next was... I got to meet two of the exiles featured in the film. Ok maybe 'exile' isn't a very nice word, but I can't use any other word to describe their predicament.


The lady in the middle is Dr. Ang Swee Chai, detained in 1977 for being wedded to a student activist, Francis Khoo.
Francis has since passed away in 2011 and her wish is to bring back his ashes to Singapore someday.
The other exile present at Oxford was Tan Wah Piow.

They are both now living in London, exiled from Singapore ever since.

Both of them took turns answering questions the audience had for them.

I had a question for them and I think it applies to many in Singapore who think the same way,

"As a young Singaporean, help me understand here: I've been raised many years to think this way and that is, we needed enforcements like the Internal Security Act because years during that time of Lee Kuan Yew were tumultuous. It was necessary for leaders to use this against political opposition for Singapore to get to where it is today."

It was a tough one. Before I asked that question, I did ponder if it was appropriate to ask this because they were the victims of the ISA. They were hurt and I was adding fuel to the fire. And duh, of course they would think the government did unjust to them. Whatever they replied would surely be against what the government stood for.

But it is a question I need answers for. Because, practically, every ruler in history did this to purge their enemies. In the case for Singapore, it so happened that, and LUCKILY so, we became a successful nation-state. Unlike the chairmanship of other dictator countries like Mao's China and Stalin's USSR or even the dreadful Khmer Rouge of Cambodia. It is almost necessary that leaders had to do this no? For leaders to rise above the rest.

I would like to hear their rebuttal.

Tan Wah Piow's reply was that it was a blatant violation of human rights. That everyone deserves a right to stand for trial, to be found guilty or not beyond reasonable doubt. This was a right that they were not given. A right that they deserved. Instead, after being ruthlessly questioned, they were threatened to be arrested. So they fled. They fled Singapore, never to return. Furthermore, they were accused of being communists, which they claimed they were not.

Ang Swee Chai mentioned that she was detained, for no practical reason. She was merely the wife of a student activist. And there she was, detained and questioned by the police in Singapore. She was then encouraged to bring Francis back for questioning. I believe, used as bait to lure her husband back to Singapore to be arrested.

What did I think of their replies?

I agreed with them. That they deserved a trial. That every human being deserves a fair and just trial before being sentenced. It was a clear violation of human rights. What Lee Kuan Yew did was ruthless. And just imagine your loved one, never able to return home. And the only way you can ever see them again is to fly over to where they are. Sadly the thing is, most of their parents are already of ripe age so the best they could do is meet at the border of Johor Bahru. It is miserable. And terrible. And every day, you wish to go home, but you can't. Because the country you love denies you entry.
Just imagine that.

So when the Q&A session was over, the only thing I could think of was to give Dr. Ang a big big hug. I told her, "This is Love, from Singapore." 

The lady standing next to her in the picture, after I had raised the question, mentioned to me and implored me to read articles and everything I possibly can about issues regarding things that are hidden in Singapore because it is important for young Singaporeans like me to be well-read.

But this is where lies a disconnect. And a huge, huge, gigantic dilemma for me.

The importance of this post wasn't just supposed to be about the exiles and what they'd been through and "oh how the government has done this done that". I don't really care much for that actually.

Because I know that, as with many other Singaporeans, the issue is not about not knowing that these things happened. It is about whether we can LIVE knowing about them and still come to LOVE this country that we live in.

We are not stupid. My generation is not stupid. We KNOW these things. We know these things happened to people in the past. I think it is because we are living in comfort, the status of a successful, wealthy Singapore, which is why we choose to sit on the issue.

It could perhaps be... better off being ignorant.

And that's where the dilemma is. The dilemma of being educated, yet choosing to be ignorant. That's a bloody strange dichotomy. We know these things happened, but because we are living comfortably, we shall be silent.

I admit, I stayed silent. And am still silent. But at least for now, I am raising a huge dilemma.

As much as I agreed with the exiles, it is because of this comfort that I live in.... This apparent success that my leaders have built upon. The decisions that have been made. That I have come to respect because it has brought us to where we are now. Yes, perhaps, you could say that I have been white-washed by propaganda all my life in school. But who is not to admit that hey, we have indeed arrived to where we are today, because of what our leaders have done? The policies implemented and careful planning for the future. Everything in the lead up to SG50 worked for SG50 to allow for SG50 to exist.

Agreeing with Tan Wah Piow and Ang Swee Chai didn't mean that my question addressed to them was fully answered. They had difficulty answering my question as well...

So I come back to the main point again:

Can I live with the boy living in the basement? CAN I STILL LOVE SINGAPORE, for all its flaws and complexities. Can I stay happily ignorant?

Which leads me to this article that I had read a year ago. I remembered it so clearly, how I felt, and I decided to search it up again.


READ: What dark secret is in the Singapore basement?

The article is so so so pertinent to what I'm talking and thinking about. I can't believe I still recall and remember the gist of it and I can't believe it stated exactly what I thought about the film.

I implore you to read the article written by Han Fook Kwang. Because if you don't, then I'll just have to paste the quote here:

"What I think most people would agree with is that they mainly occurred during a time in Singapore's history when the politics was rough in a way that would be out of place today. The issues they were associated with might no longer be relevant - too many years have passed - but for some, the shadow of that period lingers. 
Occasionally, they spring to life as in the controversy over the banning of the film, To Singapore With Love, and the running debate over which version of Singapore's political history is accurate. 
The ghost of that child continues to haunt some."

Indeed.

"But not everyone is happy with this state of affairs. There are those who cannot stand the injustice and leave the city."

Because the lady who took the photo with me has left Singapore. I believe she's furthering her education and she already has a husband and a child with her in the UK.

Perhaps, being educated inevitably leads you to take certain actions. You know too much. So much that you cannot carry on living a lie. And you choose to leave.

I fully respect that decision.

As for me, I just don't know how to live with myself and my dilemmas sometimes. Knowing is a gift, yet a burden to the soul...

But that is not to say that I no longer love my country. I know no society is without its flaws. Rather... It's how can I make it a better place? To have conversations with ourselves? To have an open society that is willing to talk about its flaws?

Staying silent shouldn't be the status quo.

Because I believe Singaporeans like me can still love the country, love the system even and still be open to criticism. We can't not talk about certain issues just because speaking about them makes us feel uncomfortable. It is essential that we do.


Singapore, your citizens love you, so let them discover you by allowing us to talk about you - Willingly, openly and freely.

Helllloooo there! Oh it was real alright (and cold) So there I was at one of the world's top ranking Universities. According to QS,...

Helllloooo there! Oh it was real alright (and cold)

So there I was at one of the world's top ranking Universities. According to QS, 6th in the world. According to the Times Higher Education, 2nd in the world.

And what the hell was I doing there??! Well, to proudly present my final year thesis, "Away from Ayah". I mentioned in my previous blog post, my team was invited to showcase our documentary because previously, we had submitted it to another festival called, the Freedom Film Festival, which was in conjunction with this conference at Oxford. So really.. it was a chance invitation that I'd never have imagined to go to. Since I was the only one available in our team to make it there, I made it there solo.

Took Malaysian airlines and after a 2 hour transit at KL and a 13 hour flight to Heathrow Airport, I arrived in the UK and was promptly whisked to my aunt's apartment in London. To save money, I had to stay at her house, otherwise staying at Oxford would cost me 200 pounds for three nights. And that's a whopping SGD $400 for just three nights. I ain't got that amount to spare oh deary me. The next day, I got a 7-day pass to get to Oxford for the subsequent three days with return, which was cheaper.

Why did they have to make me look like a god damn criminal.

And there I was, ready to make my way to Oxford the next day.

Early morning at 6am

Paddington railway station

Railway trains - always has its ways with me.

It took me 2 hours+ just to get to the University every day. And then another 2 to get back. I had to take the Underground tube for an hour then transfer to the railway. Sounds daunting? Neh, I used to do this every day from Pasir Ris to Ulu NTU, so I never thought this was tough. Besides, the London tube service is so easy to use and navigate considering the fact that Singapore's MRT is so similar. I find the London tube easier to use in fact! So I thoroughly enjoyed it very much.


Before I knew it, there I was.

Oxford.
I'd been here 6 years ago while in a tour group. Never would I have imagined I'd come back here again for a particular purpose. An academic purpose.

The conference lasted for three days. My presentation was on the third and final day. All three days were panels showcasing their papers - most of them doctoral papers. I hadn't known this.. I never really put in much thought about what conferences were. Only after attending this conference did I realise they were presentation of papers mostly written by students doing their PhD. Otherwise, they were findings by researchers and academics. A lot of them were also lecturers so it's kinda like connecting the dots, oh so THIS is what my lecturer in NTU actually does. THIS is how they get tenured. THIS is the kinda stuff they have to do outside of their teaching jobs. Gees, and all this time they were misunderstood creatures hahaha because they always seem distant. My respect went up for them. At the same time though, I now see my lecturers as human beings because I spoke to a lot of other people at the conference and I talk to them like they're my mates in school but there's a disconnect coz I'm at most of their students' age. So... it's kinda strange and slightly perverse lol.

So yeah, I was a lot younger than most of them. Everyone's doing their PhD and I'm like, hey yeah, I just did my Bachelor's what's up hahaha. But I was there to learn from their findings, which was quite interesting. Some, quite boring.


One of those presentations on ASEAN
I've always been interested in Southeast Asia so topics about ASEAN, I was drawn to.. But, it can get really boring with all the stats and all. And I thought the presentations on ASEAN weren't very amazing.

Another topic that I was drawn to was Women's issues. Women Leadership, Women economic development in Southeast Asia. The Women's forum was actually one of the highlights of the conference, which I hadn't known till I attended the conference. I attended the sessions and a workshop and gained quite a lot of useful insights. I think one of the debates that struck me most and hadn't occurred to me was that, hiring female domestic workers could be a form of perpetuation of discrimination of women BY women. This is especially so in Singapore, I mean nowadays almost every household has a maid and as a middle-class society, by doing so, we're perpetuating this stereotype of women being used as a "commodity" from low income societies. That was quite mind-blowing coz I never thought of it that way. The rebuttal was that, that's assuming the workers are not treated well. What if they are treated well, like part of the family? Then they're in other words, giving economic empowerment to these women and their families no? I believe those who were in favour of this argument feel a slight guilt because they have a helper in their own families so they need to defend their own doing.

Many threads of thought going on in this forum, like whether it is actually the MEN instead of women who need to be educated to achieve women's rights and equality.


What was also quite amazing about the conference was how leading academics and leaders were present.

Opening speech by Jose Ramos-Horta
I've never heard about this man and I know little about his country Timor-Leste. The smallest I believe, and one of the least known countries in Southeast Asia. His speech got me interested in going there. And also, interested in him, since he won a Nobel Peace Prize just like Aung San Suu Kyi.

When there was a Q&A session, a Burmese lady asked what it is that Myanmar can learn from Timor-Leste because they draw similarities from the time that they rose up and established a new nation. Apparently ethnic clashes was a similar problem that they went through and Myanmar is experiencing now. Jose Ramos-Horta replied, "Don't learn from us. Learn from Singapore. Employ one civil servant from Singapore and your country will be better." He was addressing the rampant issue of corruption that he believes Singapore has eliminated, which he even thinks his own country still has a problem with.

That was interesting. Interesting to know how other countries hold high regard of Singapore.

And that was the first day of the conference - full of panel discussions and meeting like-minded intellects.


The highlight of the second day had to be this,

Enroute to Somersville College

Gala Dinner
Yeap, quite a lavish setting for a gala dinner.
It looks small here because I couldn't capture the entire room in a picture. It was huge! It's like what you see in the Harry Potter movies. Long tables, candles, portraits. So typical. The ROOM smells of history.

Elizabeth Pisani
She was quite an entertaining speaker, though I was quite zoned out in the middle when I realised it was never gonna end hahaha.

But yes, I thought it was quite a lavish affair indeed. In a very historical building. I guess that's what you get when you're in the UK.

I can't really seem to put a finger to my experience with the dinner. It's something I'd never experienced before. It just seems kinda surreal and casual at the same time. Even though I thought it was lavish, a part of me thinks that it's quite a normal thing in the UK. I'm still trying to make sense of it.

Dinner ended at 9:30pm and the thing with academics is that, they're not the sort who'd stay and mingle. Everybody just got up and left the moment she ended her speech lol. Like literally stand up from their chairs the moment she finished and goodbye out the door. That was kinda good as well so that I didn't feel like I was missing out because I had to rush to catch my train otherwise I'd have no more trains running in London to go home to.

---

Then came Day 3. The day of my presentation. 

I'd done this a number of times. A few overseas film festivals. Filament - the annual school showcase as well. So before coming to Oxford, I was like nyeh, this is gonna be peasy. But when the day came, I was nervous as hell. I dunno why, but I was just like dayum, I'm facing a crowd of intellects. Questions are going to be tough.

After showcasing a Singapore film about people implicated and imprisoned by the Internal Security Act (i know.. real heavy stuff), it was "Away from Ayah"'s turn to show on screen. Mind you, I was so nervous watching my team's film. My heart was beating real fast. Even though the audience was quite small, with roughly 25 people, I was still nervous.

But as I continued watching the film, hearing Ipin's voice (the boy that I see every week), my nerves started to soothe and calm. It was a familiar voice. A voice I heard every week. And I kept telling myself, do this for him. Let's do this for Ipin!

After the film ended, I went in front to receive questions.

Ooh, a bundle of nerves under that facade!

Boy, some of them were difficult indeed. This was the toughest one:

"Having done this project on the justice system in Singapore, I'm interested to find out your take on the persistence of the justice system in Singapore."

It was a crowd largely made up of Singaporeans studying in Oxford and they were quite young too. This one was asked by a Singaporean gentleman.

When he asked that, my mind went quite blank because.. what the hell was that supposed to mean? Lucky he elaborated and saved me from embarrassment, "In a sense that, for drug abusers, they are constantly put back into jail after recurring offences. Do you think this is a good system in treating drug abusers as a form of punishment or not? Instead of maybe rehabilitation." Something along those lines, but I'm sure the way he put it was far more intellectual hahaha.

I told him, that was a tough question. And I honestly told him, "I am in a dilemma." Whether punishment should be so severe and whether it is right for a person to be constantly put back to jail every time he went back to drugs. Especially since our film showcased a child being affected whenever his parent is put into jail for drugs. An international friend once told me "Why is it that sex abusers don't get the death sentence but drug traffickers do? Does Singapore place sex abuse as less of a crime than drug trafficking?" Oh that got me thinking quite a bit. But on the other hand, drug abuse is difficult to treat. It is addictive and users are known to go to it time after time after time, even after recovery. Furthermore, there is a global network of drug trafficking. We don't want our young to be corrupted by drugs, do we? With tough measures on drug offenders, the jail system would serve as a useful deterrent. Then there comes the constant backlash that Singapore gets - We will always have an issue with human rights and whether it is debilitating on an individual when he or she is constantly put into jail.

That was the dilemma and I told him my dilemma. I couldn't give him an outright stance because as with all issues, there are layers of argument and therein lies the complexity. I gave an answer to the best of my ability and I hope it sufficed.

There were many more questions but at that point of time, all I did was focus on answering all those questions so I can't remember a lot of them now.

One was why we chose to portray our film in this manner - less fact-driven. Another was about the boy and his family background etc. They were largely concerned about his wellbeing and his family. With that, there was a question about whether there was anything we could do with our film to help this family. I thought that was a great suggestion, but as with bureaucracy, we can't. The organisation wouldn't allow that. It would be another tough round of negotiations.

Sometimes, being in the media, there is just only so much you can do. Limitations everywhere.

The Q&A session went quite well I thought. A number of people congratulated our work and I was of course glad to hear that. It made me think about my job in the media again. How impactful it was and perhaps it ain't so bad afterall...

And I think with Manpang, my Coral secondary friend in the crowd, it was a lot less intimidating!!!

Thanks Manpang for coming down!!!
A familiar face always saves the day
He's there studying at the University of Leeds. He was doing his placement aka internship in London so he came down to support me and also hang out! Still has 2 more years of Bachelors and 1 year of Masters. Jeez, no thanks to National Service ya? hahaha.

Hadn't seen him for 4 years after JC and I hadn't contacted him much at all after that eeks. This trip made up for that!

Walked around Oxford after my presentation, even went to St. Hugh's College, where Aung San Suu Kyi used to study haha I just had to. And walked around this beautiful park~




Sometimes I just think it's so damn unfair that other countries have so much land. So much greenery. So much nature. I kept exclaiming, "omg this is so beautiful" and "why can't Singapore have this too!!" I was quite jealous that their campus was so gorgeous with nice places to walk and damn, it's just not fair :(

So tempting to be a student here. But then again, can I even MAKE it to Oxford hahahaha. Jesus, it's World-freakin-Class.

And that's the thing also, I mean from a World Class University, we expect a lot. I expected a lot from the papers presented. But... you know what? After spending three days at the University of Oxford, I thought, hey, actually it isn't that different from my University in Singapore. I actually thought the academic rigour was pretty much the same as what I got in Singapore. I mean, I haven't attended classes there and it's mere judgment from three days of conference there, but after that, I don't hold Oxford as high of a regard as I used to.

I started this post with QS rankings of University of Oxford - 6th in the World. But I'm about to end this post with QS rankings of a more familiar name to me - Nanyang Technological University. At which ranking? 13th in the world. Not far behind at all. Not at all.

So yes, this University is amazing. Culture is amazing. Environment is amazing. But that doesn't mean that what I got was any lesser. I believe that I had a World-Class education too. I really do think that way. In my eyes, Singapore's standards are excellent. I would love to go Oxford to get the experience of being educated in a renowned college and the experience of living overseas. At the same time, I am contented with where I got my education. And I think we are not any lesser than these branded Universities. We should be proud : )

With that said, WHAT an experience, Oxford. What an experience. I'm glad I made it here.

I am back, folks. Great Britain, you did it again. You revived this girl and jolted her from her deep hibernation. I have so so so muc...


I am back, folks.
Great Britain, you did it again.
You revived this girl and jolted her from her deep hibernation.

I have so so so much to tell you guys and I know as hell how bad my commitment to my travel posts are so.. SO I've made it a point. One post every day for 1 week to tell you guys some of the things I've experienced. As you all know, I went to a 3-day conference about Southeast Asia. Went on a day trip to Cambridge. As well as did a hike around a beautiful coastal area. Some things have started to look up as well. Can't wait to tell you guys. And by the end of this one week, I may have something to reveal about myself. We'll see if I'm ready by then.

I actually brought a diary to write in but I realise I can't write a diary anymore. Or I just didn't have the momentum to write things for myself in a book. Memories and experiences need to be shared! Unless they're dirty memories that I can't disclose and can only tell myself. Which is kinda sad.

So here I am, having made new friends, reconnected with old friends and became friends with myself again.

All part of the process. A cycle of renewal. Stage one.

Hi Suxin! Yesterday Suxin and I completed 21km at NTUC Income race. I know, it's N-T-U-C. It doesn't sound cool at all like...

Hi Suxin!


Yesterday Suxin and I completed 21km at NTUC Income race. I know, it's N-T-U-C. It doesn't sound cool at all like all the other races such as 2XU, Great Eastern, Sundown, but it was something we signed up for a year ago out of the blue and decided to continue running again this year (and probably next year, and the year after, and the many many more years to come, till we grow old and cranky)

It was a beautifullll run. It really was!

We ran non-stop, constantly running side by side, never leaving the other behind. We have similar running speeds so that's awesome since it's tough if one's faster than the other and they'll feel like a burden if they're slower. What's great is that even though we ran at similar speeds, there were different times during the race when one of us would feel more tired than the other... Which means that we always had the other for mental support. For example, at the start, I had more energy so I led the beginning. As we approached 15km, I started to slow way down coz I could feel my hips burning and my mental state of mind wearing down. But with Suxin running ahead, I continued to push myself, telling myself to never stop. So with each other, we could go further because we were always tryna keep the pace, supporting the other while taking turns to lead. Great team work I'd say ;-)

What made it even more beautiful was the changing skyline and different trails that we took during the race. Better than last year's I'd say. There's something about running in the wee hours of the morning and seeing the sun slowly rise as the minutes and hours go by.

My body is a bit sore though, but what's beautiful without pain? The race was indeed tiring man, at the 15km mark I was quite tired already. When I saw how much of the route we had left I almost thought I definitely had to start walking. I often wonder how people do the full 42km marathon. Pretty sick I'd think.

Nevertheless, I thought doing this race was really great, with Su Xin as my buddy and a way to expel whatever I had in my mind and body. We were flyyyyingggg. (clocked a timing of under 3 hours woohoo! better than last year's)

--

Also, I am flying in a few hours' time.

I didn't tell you guys but... Early in March, I received an email from the festival that my FYP mates and I went to at Selangor - the Freedom Film Festival. It was the one that I travelled to from Myanmar just to meet them : )

It stated that their festival is held in conjunction with Project Southeast Asia - The world's largest conference on the topic of Southeast Asia. This already got me excited, since I'm crazy about Southeast Asia because there's so much to learn about the region. And I mean, I came back from travelling the region. So it struck a major chord within me.

What's crazy is that, it's held in London.

What's even CRAZIER is that it's held at the University of Oxford.

I know, I know... that's freakin crazy eh? One of the world's top Universities and I'm going there to showcase my group's FYP film?? No freakin wayyyyyyy.

Since I'm the only one in the group who is still unemployed (haha) and has the time to head over, I will be representing us.

The only sad thing is that... The school won't be funding me, not because I've already graduated (the funding applies to graduates for a year) but because... I'VE BEEN FUNDED BEFORE. Remember I went to Barcelona exactly a year ago? Jesus, I've been sapping too much of my school's fund. I appealed, but got turned down. Guess they really don't want me to be using up those funds no sir ree.

Nevertheless, I feel that it's something that I really should attend and the talks, I'm sure, would be insightful as well. I hope I'd gain a lot of useful knowledge about the region. Not only that, I mean, it's Oxford hahaha.

Although I've been to London before in 2010, it was pretty long ago and I probably didn't have much memories. It holds significance to me because it was a place that I went to after my A levels results were out and I was so glad that they were good, it almost felt like a trip to reward me. But it was also a place when I faced my fear of whether my face was breaking out too much. One of the lowest points in my life~ It took me on my highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

Similarly, this year, I've been going through a lot of negativity the past few weeks. It almost feels like this trip to London would be a time and place for me to set my mind free once again.... To rethink about things. To reboot my life like how I did, 6 years ago.

So... that's why I feel so much of a calling to head there, despite not receiving funds from the school haha. I was debating with myself whether or not to go since a while back I was thinking if I didn't get funded, it would mean a no-go. Eventually I decided to go against all odds lol dramatic. I still have enough savings so... : )

It could also be that, I don't want people to be thinking that I'm trying to escape my problems. Or.. Why is she just flying all the time and not staying in Singapore? As if I am shirking responsibility and not taking ownership of my life. Like I have too much money and time to fly here and there.

Well, as long as I know that those aren't my reasons, I suppose what others think wouldn't matter eh?

Lastly, remember my post titled, "I have a dream"? Yes, very Martin Luther King-like. I wrote it two years ago about my plans upon graduation... What I'd like to do with my life, and what kind of hope and change I can give to society. Seeing it again, I remember how purposeful and driven I was. How ambitious and idealistic I was. And how much faith and hope that I had that I could change the world I live in - or at least the country that I live in.

I read it once more, and was reminded of my younger self. I long to see her and feel her once more... I'm searching for you and I really want me back again. Bolder, stronger, and ready to take on the world.

I write this, feeling like I'm going to cry.. haha.


I ended that blog post with these lines:

I don't know how I'm gonna get there, don't know how I'm gonna land myself a ticket to London, don't know where life will take me to reach there, all I know is, this is what I want to do and I sure as hell wanna make sure I get there.

Wish me luck guys :-) I'll be back in a week!

Love this photo! It was May's graduation convocation day today!!! And I'm superrrr honoured to have been invited to your conv...

Love this photo!

It was May's graduation convocation day today!!!

And I'm superrrr honoured to have been invited to your convocation, May. We've come a long way since JC to where we are now, standing proud and tall as graduates and working adults now (alright, not yet for me but whatever hahahah). Although we may not have the time to meet each other often, do know that I am always silently supporting you, in whatever you do. Do you know that I've always thought of you to have a high calibre of intellect? Sometimes, I feel sad that we didn't get into the same uni together and that I wish that we could have. But perhaps, it is true that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

What made this day especially important for me was the fact that I was reminded a few days ago, all of a sudden and out of the blue, and I mentioned to you before as well that... I remembered all the tough times during JC. And I wasn't the most confident individual back then. I studied real hard, got stressed a lot of the times, didn't feel capable enough, but you were always there, silently, by my side. Even when I didn't like hanging out with the group that we used to hang out with and refused to be with them, you were still there by my side. I may not have realised that your presence was extremely important at that point of time. Who would I have had, if not for you? When I look back on my JC life, yes, it was miserable, but I always had you~ The sweetest memories weren't the extraordinary moments but the simplest and most ordinary of ordinary. They may seem plain and lame to others but they are the ones that I miss the most. Can you guess which? Yeap, it is that of us sitting at the bus stop as you waited for Bus 109. We'd sit, chat, for the longest time. And of course, laugh like hysterical maniacs. And you'd miss the buses just so that we could sit even longer. Even after boarding the bus, we'd wave goodbye to one another as the bus pulled away into the distance, while I continued walking towards my way home. These were moments that I missed after I decided to cycle to school in J2 instead.

Just as how I remember these moments, I hope you remember that you are a friend that I will keep always.

That's why today's important for me - to show my support for you after all that you have given to me during those years in JC. When I was nothing but a scrawny geeky 17/18 year old. I hope my card to you, written with heart, and my presence was enough to grace today's occasion.

What I love most was the fact that we went to Gardens by the Bay with your parents after that to take your graduation photos. So fun!!! And I enjoyed it very much if you didn't know.


With Wena : )

Your loveliest parents hehe!
They love you very very much~ (I know coz I talked to yo momma)

Today's graduation convocation was your special day. You were the happiest kid amongst all of us. Little did you know that you, my friend, made me feel so happy as well? Your special day also became mine because the entire day, you brought me out of my shell and made me feel happy again. Walking around the Gardens, smelling tulips (and wanting to eat those in your bouquet), taking pictures like giggly school girls~ Spending time at Bakerzin sipping hot choc and eating tofu cheesecake with your family~ And most of all... Your support and kindness of words to me that meant the world. Everything we did transformed my dreary day into one of the brightest of all this year. You brought a smile to my face that was kept in the dark for the past few weeks.

I was there to support you for your big graduation day today but instead, you supported me in the end.

--

And before we left the flower dome, what you said about these flowers topped it all off...



Me: Oh look! These flowers are so funny. It's like they can't decide whether to be pink or white.
You: Yeah, they're like saying "I don't know if I want to do Mass Comm or what...."
Me: *laughs* and *laughs and laughs and laughs*

You: But, don't you think the confused flowers are more special and unique than the plain white ones? They're the prettiest.

I couldn't help but want to both laugh and cry.....

Thank you May. And Congratulations once more. Couldn't be happier for you : )