It's true.. Before waltzing into my new job, I came with an open heart. Not much expectations. Of myself or of anyone. And not really ...

It's true..

Before waltzing into my new job, I came with an open heart. Not much expectations. Of myself or of anyone. And not really knowing what would lie ahead.

I just knew that at the end of each day, I'd like to end my day well.

But of course, I don't achieve that feeling all the time. Sometimes, happy and elated at achieving my first milestone or even the slightest task. Like just last week I produced my first ever story for SG Night Fest. Or other things like being sent out for breaking news. It's adrenaline-pumping and very exciting.

Then there are some days when I make mistakes or worse, have miscommunication with my colleagues.

Sometimes I think that work is never tough. Once you've mastered the ropes, getting from point A to B is easy. So it is never the work that is tiring - it is the people whom you've to deal with. And that's where it gets tricky.

Being the new person around, making mistakes is forgivable but patience wears out quickly in the newsroom and there are a lot of times when I feel the need to prove my worth, and maybe even fight to show that I am capable.

And being new, my social circle hasn't formed yet. My colleagues haven't grown to know the person that I am and neither have I... I don't know whom to trust, and whom to confide in. When I need to ask for help or simply have someone to talk to, it is quite difficult. I know there are one or two of my workmates whom I can rely on, but the relationships aren't as deep yet. There are things... that I simply can't talk about.

So... I do feel quite alone at times.

I tell myself that things will tide over. And trust will build overtime.

Yet, a part of me thinks that this is what work is. It is the nature of work. It isn't like school where all colleagues can be friends. There is a certain degree of passive-aggressiveness and over-politeness. They are things that can't be overcome even with the grace of time. It is what it is.

I suppose this is my transition to the real world and my ideals are put to the test. There isn't space to be vulnerable - because not everybody appreciates it and not everyone wants that in the workplace. It's about getting the job done and ensuring that each has their own backsides covered.

That's what makes it difficult.

In my new workplace, they know me as "the one who came from the Current Affairs department". And they'd always ask how's it like over there. I tell them that I actually prefer my work now compared to back then. However, the one thing that I like back where I was, would be the network formed over the years with people I've come to trust. I feel absolutely at home there with colleagues whom I can definitely say, are my friends. Whom I can call on, even for personal matters. Who without a doubt, would also call on me should they need help.

It isn't the same now. Here, I'm always on my tippy toes, unsure of what's expected of me or the intentions behind what's being said.

So whenever I see my previous colleagues walk by, my face would awash with signs of glee.

Yet.. if you asked me if I'd like to return to my old place, I'd say no. Because it is comfort. And I think I tend to get complacent when there is comfort. It is only when I have a mammoth task ahead, do I get my game on.

I feel lonely now. And I'm glad I'm aware of how I'm feeling because... it might affect my work later had I not been.

One consolation is knowing that I'm not alone in feeling alone. A quick google search and out came articles from Harvard Business Review, Guardian and Huffington Post that talk about how work loneliness is a real issue out there.

That even though the office is bustling with activity, people can feel very lonely as well because of the inability to connect in a place where we spend most of our day at.

Well, what I can do now is focus on my potential for doing great work and at the same time, continue being my optimistic self. To come to work not knowing how my day will turn out and still be unafraid of being my best self. Because I still believe that in time to come, people will see me for who I am.

All I need to do is to show up. And that in itself, is a courageous act.

Just opposite the Istana With no real intention at all, I happened to walk by the Istana today, and I decided to drop a message. And ...

Just opposite the Istana

With no real intention at all, I happened to walk by the Istana today, and I decided to drop a message.

And as I was walking towards the guarded area, which led to the station where all the cards and gifts were laid, I met with the little scene above. I dunno what the picture means or the motivation behind it, but it gave me a little sorta feeling that I can't explain. Something about the state flags, and our foreign workers still tirelessly milling and tending to the flower patches. Maybe from India, maybe from Bangladesh? They seem oblivious to the event taking place over at the Istana. And the sun was beating down on them.

I dunno. They were just random thoughts but I still felt something. Maybe it was the golden light that shone, making it all fairy like.

Or maybe it was because right before that, I randomly stepped into a quaint chapel along the way while I was walking from Clarke Quay.




Needless to say, I stepped inside. I mean, I am an explorer overseas and I am an explorer at home.

Maybe it was a certain mood that followed me.

And it was a mood that I carried the past few days.

I think from the time Schooling won our first gold, to the moment when PM Lee gripped the rostrum during NDRally and the passing of our former President, I felt a little shift in me.

Perhaps, they're signs that things are changing. A cycle of renewal. The old making way for the new.

And I believe that I am part of that renewal. Singapore moving, changing, evolving and heading towards something new and uncertain. Slightly unsettling, yet at the same time, ever so exciting.

Gives me a lot of energy and motivation to do well in what I do.

Last night, I was at work when Mr SR Nathan's passing happened. There was a bit of chaos in the office as my boss was trying to get everything into order - to ready the public for the big news to come. Reporter was deployed to the scene. Others stayed back to initiate support. Everybody's adrenaline pumping. Atmosphere slightly tense. It was quite inspiring actually to watch my colleagues in action... though some were complaining that they had to work into the night.

Then there was me, a newbie amidst the fray, waiting with bated breath for the news anchor to go live on air.

Finally the press statement from the Prime Minister's Office came in,

and it was the moment.

Lines were delivered,

people were tuned in,

then a quiet sadness slowly enveloped the country.


And in that instant, I knew why I do what I do every day.

This video. This man. This year's Olympics. So much inspiration. I think Schooling's win has really set the precedence for man...



This video. This man. This year's Olympics.

So much inspiration.

I think Schooling's win has really set the precedence for many big things to come for our country. To not just punch, but whack and explode a ceiling and do things that has never been done before - this is what will wake people up and prove that there are dreams and aspirations worth pursuing. Institutions and corporations are going to give more support for goals that weren't cherished before.

The cynics, who stand on the periphery to snarl and scowl, shall now cower and hide. For the man in the ring who fought bravely and valiantly has emerged triumphant - very much to the skeptics' dismay, but to the delight of many others who know what the fight is worth.

I remember watching Germany win the World Cup last year and wishing for a day when my own little country could rejoice in something as delightful as that.

The day has come, and indeed, Singapore rejoiced and is still revelling in the spirit of the win.

I'll remember this day for many years to come - when my mother was jumping up and down and I was shouting in the living room.

Gold.

Amazing how sport can unite a nation. And that's what I love about the Olympics. Every four years, emotions run high and the thirst for gold is almost tangible. We cry for both the winners and losers, in victory and defeat, through joy and hardship. It represents the very human spirit.

I think it also represents the very best of us. The road is long and hard, but keep at it and I think surely, the world will see, know and feel what is already in us.


Argh, that video truly hit all the right notes. The music, the natural sound, the CINEMATOGRAPHY and the final message. Captivating and thoroughly moving. Always makes me feel like moving my butt and doing what I really should do when I see this man go through all that shit. Wondering why I'm even just watching something through a small screen.

What. Am I waiting for?