out with the old, in with the new

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Ma main man (men) workin' hard for moi.

Yesterday, we deconstructed the cupboard that's been in my room for agessss.. And it's been here with us back in the day when my grandma, who has long passed on god bless her soul, stayed with us. Which means it was wayyy back when I was just an itty bitty cutie.

I've always been fine, even happy, using old stuff till they disintegrate (evident in my school years when I'd wear shoes and socks till they had holes in them and i'd refuse to buy new ones - i even remember my friends buying me a pair of socks for my birthday..... DOBY IS FREEEE hahahh). But my dad was insistent that I get a new cupboard. I don't know what possessed him to be so adamant about changing it. Probably the last gift to me before I leave the house some day.

Well, the problem with me and old things is that I attach sentiment to these objects. So I never let go. And I hold on tight to them till they break down, literally. I mean one reason why I didn't like carrying new stuff in school was firstly so that I could prove that I knew what it's like living without a lot and living with enough - having one pair of shoes, and one bag and one uniform and that's it - yeah call it dramatic during puberty or perhaps MATURE, as I'd like to see it hahah. But the MAIN reason would be that I'm simply always attached to objects, feelings and people.

And yes, even to cupboards.

But there was one thing up on that cupboard that's been with me for a decade that I found quite hard to let go even after so many years....

And it's this:

The biggest birthday present of my life so far.

As you can see, it's a huge cardboard box painted by my lovely friends back when I was secondary 3. Back then, birthdays were BIG. I'd always get soooo excited becos friends would always come up with crazy surprises every year. And they'd get better with each passing year. This was one of them and you can read how excited I was to have received it then, over here. (i just had a look and the first sentence was 'greaaaat 15th birthday'. kids don't lie)

I remember my friends got a whole box full of ikea stuff because back then they thought I was the weirdest kid ever and I was always so random. So they stuffed random shitzels in them like a basin scrubber, dried flowers, soft toys.... I can imagine how fun it must've been preparing that box of surprises for me. A lot of heartfelt notes, hand-painted items and sweet wrappers as well HAHA cos if I remember correctly, they were munching on fruitie sweets whilst painting the entire box at someone's house.

That box - was filled with a lot of love. And even I, as a 15-year-old then, knew how loved I was by my friends in school, no matter how different and strange I was.

Writing all this has made me teary, sigh. Because those times were so innocent, pure and well just simply wonderful. The friendship back then was yeah... no other words to describe but, innocent. Formative years, all in there, in that big ass box. It represents my teenage years and my idealisms.

And after taking a photo of it and telling my family all about it...... I threw it away.

It represented good things. But it also represented the places, time and people that have left my life and moved on. A lot of the friends who were part of that surprise... I've lost touch with many of them. Some I fell out with, some I feel disconnected from, and one who's living miles and miles away.

I felt a tinge of sadness, but I knew, without a doubt, that I had to throw it away. It was rotting up on my cupboard - I mean... it's been ten years man. The things inside were mostly junk now after taking out stuff that I could use. Most of all, memories have faded and friends have moved on.

The heart says no, but the head says a million times over, yes.

Throw. it. away.

So it's my turn to move on. It's definitely a symbol of transition for me and letting go of the past. I am still a very sentimental person - emotions are a huge part of me but if not properly managed, emotions can also get in the way of a lot of things - Progress, growth, and maybe even sustenance.

I read somewhere that, living in the past leads to depression, living in the future leads to anxiety. Do the math and you're left with living in the present :)

So here's my new cupboard!

Spanking new ikea cupboard. The irony eh? Throwing ikea stuff and getting new ikea stuff hahaha. I loveeee the look of my cupboard though! Plus I've so much more space for my clothes now that it's been expanding ever since I landed myself into work. It's really tall too, almost touching the ceiling! (the hanging rack is really high too. swedish people. lucky i'm tall hehe) - which explains why I need to throw out a lot of things otherwise, there ain't no space in my room left.

I still have a lot of things in my room that I need to throw away. I've a confession to make - I still have my secondary school books with me. All of them. Not a single one that I could bear to throw away even after moving on to jc and uni. I still am contemplating which ones to throw away because... HOW CAN YOU THROW BOOKS AWAY??? It's almost as if I'm throwing away what, 16 years of my education?!?! Jeeezus. My mom said, "the knowledge's all in your mind". Dear Mom, sorry to disappoint you but a lot of it is gone. I've always thought I'd return to books some day though... like when I'm 60 and retired and I wanna read up on my history books again. Ya never know when they'll come in handy. Oh I don't know, maybe I'll just pass them on to Salvation Army or something. If they're even relevant at all. Kids so smart these days with every syllabus-change.